Island. I just noticed that if it's not a full moon tonight, it's pretty close. That I'm taking as a good thing. Because full moons are cool.

I wrote the rest of this hours earlier, but the internet went down. Then Nate came over and my entire family called me to talk, nearly one after another, which was very cool.

------------------

it's exciting to think that in 24 hours I will be back in the Caribbean. I haven't been down since back in 2005, and while last time it was a summer on the wealthiest island this trip will be quite the opposite. Not as many creature comforts, as they say. I'm excited to experience the diversity of life (I'm always excited to experience that, even in Providence. Or Texas. Or wherever I find myself).

Pray for this mission, as it is very good. God has a reason for this connection between the people in Rhode Island and the village of Lamotte in Haiti. Haiti is a scary space from a spiritual perspective. With vodoo such an important part of it's past, even if it is not as rampant spiritually as it once was, it is so steeped in the culture that the combination of the name of Christ and voodoo is very common. From what I hear it is a very dark place, with a great promise of light. We could only be so blessed. God loves Haiti. I know this for a fact going in.

This wouldn't be happening it it were otherwise.

What a different person I am now, too, from 2005. I can say now that if I would have gone to Haiti back then with the Peace Corps as was expected it would have been...well it didn't happen then and it didn't happen for a reason. The timing is right now. Who could have ever imagined?

Eight of us going, a very diverse group, and we're meeting Marie and some of her children down there.

That's all for now. We'll be back in about a week.

  ¶ 7/27/2007 08:58:00 PM 0 comments

  on fasting, and Roy Orbison I would like to address two subjects tonight. The first is a heavy, complex subject that I know little about but am so amazed to be finding out more about. The other is just pure genius. Well, come to think of it both are pure genius. And gifts from God.

To a certain degree there are things that should be kept private between a man and God. This fact I completely agree with and respect. However please allow me to share a little into my life over the past few hours. For the past week the challenge was presented to the group going to Haiti that today, on the day of our last Haiti team meeting before our departure on Saturday AM, we would fast of something. Food, television, sweets, coffee, NPR. Whatever it seemed that we felt needed to be taken away from us as a daily distraction. Among the things "I chose" to fast was food, and so from 6:00 Monday evening until 6:00 tonight I went without food. It was tough, it totally brought me closer to God as my reliance on food was directed towards putting my energy into a more powerful reliance. And while it seemed like food was everywhere around me today, I made it.

Until 3pm, when I broke the fast and scarfed down a granola bar while sitting at my desk. It didn't come immediately, but it came and soon not only did I feel some deeper pains of giving in, but I soon noticed that also I was full. But it all just felt so artificial. The doubt, the fullness. All of it was unimportant. Yes, even the frustration and doubt. All as unimportant as the fact that God was with me and over me, through the fast and through the stumble. Period.

You know, not only was it that food was around me every day, but food was grossly around me every day. Disgustingly. We forget how gross we are with our consumption practices. From Dunkin' Donuts to greasy breakfast sausages and deep-fried everythings.

More to say, much more to say about that; but not here.

Now onto Topic 2: Roy Orbison. I've been listening to some Roy Orbison lately, it started on Saturday when I got a song randomly in my head and started listening to all I had of his. It blew me away all over again. Roy had the best pop music voice EVER. Nothing beats it, even today. Listen to Crying again and try and argue with me. Try it. Go ahead. I'll save you some time though: you lose! It's organic in how something new about his voice can strike you and move you in ways his music did failed to do the first time around.

Dude, come on. I'm right and you know it.

ok.  ¶ 7/24/2007 09:04:00 PM 0 comments

  Walkin' to (from) New Orleans "And if guilty's the question
truth is the answer I've been lyin' to me all alone.
There ain't nothin' worth savin' except one another/
And before you'll wake up I'll be gone.
Walking is better that running away/
And crawling ain't no good at all."--Walking, Willie Nelson

Back in 1974 Willie released one of the best albums of his career, which makes it one of the best albums ever recorded, an album about a failed relationship from both the male and female perspective called Phases and Stages. Personal failure creeps in on all of us at one point or another and it really stings the heart and soul. Whether it's in a relationship or in our work or in some cases, both.

Take for example tonight. Tonight a nonprofit organization that I volunteer for decided to hold a film discussion, and I chose the Spike Lee documentary from last year called When the Levees Broke. Now, I graduated with a degree in Emergency Management, and a passion that flows in me (since I tend to these days know about disasters professionally) is sharing the knowledge and education and dialogue to/with the public about disasters. About lessons learned personally and professionally; as a community from government as well as social service and personal (familial) concerns. And when you bring up Katrina there can still be some fascinating dialogue that comes about; personal fears of future disasters, real concerns about communities and the causes/effects of disasters.

The idea was to present this as a forum for a wide variety of artists and concerned citizens, and I hoped that many would agree that this topic would be worthy of attention. And five people did.

Don't get me wrong--the discussion afterwards was good; and thorough. They always are. But it just disturbs me that real lack of interest in knowledge about these issues; Katrina which will be ongoing for a long time but also for the community at large here in Providence and elsewhere. Did westside arts fail at promoting it? Certainly we didn't do the best job, sure. But many many people did know about this, and five showed up. Five great people, again who strongly contributed to intelligent conversation about many issues. So I suppose the hours of work I put into it were worth it, if only for that. But again, these were five middle class white folks. School teachers, a fellow who used to work for the UN; a former New Orleans resident. Was this really news to us?

And in work, I make it a point to push disaster readiness education, and am making it a priority of work that will be done by two AmeriCorps VISTA's that will be starting working with me next month. But really, America...do we listen to this? Are we prepared...not from a governmental level but from a personal one...for worldly disasters?

This time next week I will be in Haiti, directly working and serving alongside complete strangers. I don't know what that means, and I want to be clear that I'm saying that as humbly as I can, because there's really no other way to approach it. What is life but to love one another? And what is love? Well, it's serving. Right? And what does that mean? It could mean connecting to the old way of life. The way of community.

Reminds me of another song, one I happened to be listening to on the drive home tonight. Jimmy Buffett once wrote a song based upon Mark Twain's quote of "Be good and you will be lonesome." In his song That's What Living Is To Me he paints the picture:
On a timeless beach in Hispaniola
A young girl sips a diet cola
She's worlds apart; worlds apart.
The spirit of the black king still
Reverberates through Haitian hills
He rules the sea and all the fish
What if he had a TV dish?

And so it comes down to this; I believe that is such a wonderful portrait of the clash of the old world versus the new world. And how every day we get further and further away from the old way of living. And further away from the truth. And while we're treading water to try and keep afloat, we can find peace in knowing that it is possible to truly live with peace in our hearts. I believe that it is natural in us to find and have that peace; but the world gets in the way, attacks our subconscious without us even realizing it, and we can live our whole life without recognizing what is absolutely true and is inside of us all along. The answers to so many of our questions about life can be found right within our hearts and souls; but perhaps the world doesn't want us to recognize that.

Listen to some of the stories of disaster survivors and maybe you'll see what I'm talking about. Could be I'm off the mark. Could be. But I don't think so. I think we'll all be walkin' away from New Orleans for a long, long time until something else wakes us up. And I'm not talking about another disaster. I'm talking about something much, much more powerful.  ¶ 7/22/2007 11:19:00 PM 0 comments

  ...and I'm back. hey. short break. had to think outside the world wibe web (I know there's a typo buy I hit b instead of p and I kinda like it that way, so it's gonna stay).

we're one week from departing for Haiti. In fact, this time next week I just might be there. had to take my first Malaria pill today. I'm all typhoid-ed up, and my shots are in order. things are looking good. which reminds me, Monday I HAVE to call Blue Cross to try and get them to pay for all that stuff.

Anyways, one of the last things I need to purchase are a good pair of sandals. I'm talking Teva, son. Went over to City Sports on Thayer to check out their stock. And $80 bucks sure seemed like a steep price to pay for sandals. Sure enough, I come home and pull up the same sandals on Amazon and they are retailing for $39. That means that City Sports had a 50% markup on price. Good thing I didn't buy!

But what intrigued me almost as much as the markup was this:

Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought

Teva Hurricane 3 Sandal Womens (5) Click for price

Death by Black Hole: And Other Cosmic Quandaries by Neil deGrasse Tyson (40) $12.83

My Fair Lady DVD ~ Audrey Hepburn (226) $14.49

____________________________________________________________________
What kind of people are Teva people? Men who enjoy discourses and lengthy ramblings about physics and musicals of the 1960's. And their wives. (well okay maybe it's the wives that enjoy My Fair Lady) So, pretty much the East Side of Providence. (rimshot)
  ¶ 7/21/2007 02:57:00 PM 0 comments

  I think... I'm going to stop writing in the blog for a while.  ¶ 7/16/2007 05:33:00 PM 0 comments

  hey--you can read the last two entries, I'm not gonna do anything to change them. But I will say that I wrote them both while down in the trough of a depression. the past few days I have been pretty depressed about several things. but God is working, and it's getting better.  ¶ 7/15/2007 08:36:00 PM 0 comments

  out with the On Friday at work I received an e-mail from a VISTA here in Providence who was announcing a graffiti cleanup on historic Benefit Street on College Hill. They were meeting at The Armory building on Benefit, which just happens to be the building where my church meets. It has been the most important building to me since my time here in Providence, for all the amazing experiences and relationships that have come out of Renaissance Church. And the graffiti on the building was just annoying tags, nothing too artistic. So I decided to go, support the VISTA and clean up the building we use for church, etc etc. I even sent the word out to the Ren community.
My pastor shared the word also. He wrote:
There is a graffiti clean up day happening and the starting location is the Armory building - how funny! And I guess they'll be covering over some of the graffiti some of you did recently (kidding). But it did get me thinking about whether I like graffiti or not. The Armory building does seem to be a target. Most of it hasn't been very interesting to be honest. Just scribble. But I admit I do sort of like graffiti when it's done thoughtfully. Have you seen some of the work done on train cars? I suppose I should be careful not to give my approval of vandalizing property but I'm just saying that sometimes it makes the cityscape a more interesting and colorful one. Imagine if everyone was free to write or illustrate whatever they wanted wherever they wanted. I wonder what that would look like? Ok, back to reality, cleaning up some of the crummy graffiti is a good thing so if you want to help out then great. I'll be at a wedding tomorrow so I won't be able to. But maybe some of you could encourage the painters to use the right color paint on our building :)

We have a lot of artists in the Ren community, including several RISD students. Needless to say, I was the only one that showed up. And I have regrets about doing so.

What looks better to you? Small graffiti art, or this:



Don't get me wrong, the graffiti behind that off-color paint job was just some little tags put on by amateurs. But even still. Having this on the building not only destroyed the art but made the building look even worse. I now regret the enthusiasm I put behind this cause.  ¶ 7/15/2007 04:42:00 PM 0 comments

  the roommate and I went down to the park this evening around seven to throw around the baseball. about a half hour into it we were approached by a little boy who told us that his cousin was going to play with us.

they later told us that they were bored.

so the two came over, but only one wanted to play. the other provided commentary and served as the occasional retriever for wild bounces. I gave up my glove to the kid, and Cliff and I took turns catching without a glove.

a little while later Cliff saw a friend and went over to catch up with him. the kid and I continued to play catch for about half an hour or so. I told him some history of baseball, but he didn't really care. he was just loving playing catch.

he got tired and went back to his house across the street. as we were leaving the park a few minutes later Cliff and I stopped by the house' the kids' mothers were sitting on the stoop talking. we chatted for a few minutes. I don't know where they were from; Cambodia maybe.


later in the evening Cliff and I shot downtown to stop into the AS220 Foo Fest. Anarchists and artists, hippies and wannabes. There was also a Waterfire going on. Suburbanites. Lame. They should probably stop that thing soon, before it gets too cliche. the crowd has already passed that point.
But then who am I to say anything?

So many people downtown. So...many...people...just hanging out. Dating. drinking. Dancing. Being.

And none of that...none of that life going on downtown, or on the East Side at RISD or Brown...none of it will ever be as memorable as baseball in the park, laughing and joking with immigrant children on a summer Saturday evening.

why am I even writing this? I'm tired, and it kind of comes off feeling bitter. but I doubt I really am. whatever. good night, Providence.  ¶ 7/15/2007 12:19:00 AM 0 comments

  For those of you interested in purchasing a home overseas...might I recommend International Homes Investor magazine? That cover photo...yeah it was taken at my grandparents house. Just saying is all.  ¶ 7/08/2007 07:30:00 PM 0 comments

  fireworks over Olneyville/tomorrow never knows Now in Providence: Rain, 65 F.

Loud explosions outside right now, one after the other. It's raining gently; people are talking and yelling all around the streets. "Close your damn door!" I'm glad my roommate is out of town tonight. Some nights it's just right to come home to an empty house. This is one of those nights. The most beautiful shots of green and gold exploded in the damp night sky over Olneyville just now as I made my way down Westminster Street. I had the radio on and the windows up, so the fireworks were just bursts of light, no noise, through a rain-soaked windshield. It was one of the most beautiful things I have seen in a long time.

I was coming back from the uber quiet East Side and a goodbye gathering for my good friends Tom and Jess, who are leaving this weekend to move to Seattle. Tom is from there, so it's a homecoming for him, but Jess is a Massachusetts kid. Still for both of them it is a lot of goodbyes this week. Tom just graduated from RISD; Jess did the same about a year ago. Everyone at the party was a RSID student or graduate (save for about one or two others who were in school somewhere else and dating one of the party-goers). I was the oldest there, as if it really matters which I suppose it doesn't. Through my friendship with Tom and Jess I have integrated myself sort-of and occasionally awkwardly into a circle of RISD students who are all really good friends and have been throughout their entire college experience. Because of this I do occasionally feel out of place when I'm with the group. But it's usually pretty fun, and a life experience not to be forgotten. I'm sure with Tom and Jess (and several of the others in the group who also happen to be recently married couples) leaving those days are over now anyways. Obla di, obla da.

Life is funny. Part of the interesting thing about the times spent with the RISD crowd is just being there and watching them as a group. Personally, I could not give you the names of five people who graduated with me. Well, bad example I was out of the country for my college graduation. Missed that one. But even still, I'd have to struggle to remember the names of folks who were with me at UNT. Back in the day (2000-2002) I attended Texas Tech University and even helped form a fraternity out there, so I could name you most of those guys. Matt Ashley. There's one. Furb. That was another. Hagen, Trey, Chaffee...I should stop name dropping. Still, today I couldn't contact them, or tell you what they're doing now. In my life it seems that most of my friends come and go; the few from the past that I do keep in touch with I never actually see in person anymore. Except the occasional holiday back home, but even those experiences get shorter and shorter as the years pass. Now I see this tight group of people who lived through so much together, and they're all now going their own ways but will no doubt...well actually who knows. Who ever knows? And that's life. This life, anyways.

Some days, especially when I'm around college students as I frequently tend to be through church and whatnot, I start to think back on all that I have lived through just in these past seven years, and what it has meant and where it has got me today. And to be honest with you...I don't even know if I know anymore. It's just enough trying to live in the present these days. I think about the immediate and occasionally about the future, but less and less about the past. Then days like today come up, and I can't decide if I like that or not.

Independence Day.

(addition): I was just re-reading this post, and thinking about it. I think for most of all of us, after a certain point, life tends to be a series of catching up with one another. I wonder if that's just an American thing? Probably not, but I'm sure we've mastered it. Or butchered it, depending on how you look at it. I think I'm good at that though. It's how most of my life is living away from most everyone I know or have known. It's periodic phone calls or e-mails and "How Have You Been's" and all that, and it usually makes for good conversation. And even in everyday life that's all our conversations tend to be. "How was your week?" "Have a good day?"
Oh. That just kinda made me sad. Or at least contemplative.  ¶ 7/04/2007 10:44:00 PM 0 comments

  boy, for last night being the night before... and tonight being the actual 4th Of July, I expected my 'hood to be a lot more livelier. Instead it's oh so quiet.

Hey, isn't that a song?

Labels: independence day, Providence

  ¶ 7/04/2007 09:22:00 AM 0 comments

  Independence Day and the Last Crusade I tend to see fireworks through my windshield on or around the 4th of July. Perhaps I wrote about a year ago at this time, but I'd have to go back and see. And I'm feeling kinda lazy. Tonight we had our weekly meeting for the Haiti trip over at Conley Wharf. We stayed late to do some praying, which was awesome. As we were leaving my friend Sarah and I were able to catch some fireworks off in the distance, across the bay. And as we were driving across the bridge on... Bridge St. near the hurricane barrier the fireworks began across downtown, and for a split second we noticed downtown Providence crowned with explosions in the sky. Then we drove over to Eastside Marketplace to pick up some groceries and were surrounded by explosions in the distance; Pawtucket.

I asked Sarah when we got in the car if she was a fan of fireworks.
"Yeah," she said and then took a pause. "Well you know, I'm not a huge fan or anything. I like to see them but I never do them."

Yeah, it's kinda like that. I remember years past back home in Texas, stopping off at the giant fireworks warehouses and then driving out to the middle of nowhere with Dipes and Mike and Fratus, Seaberg and Bowlin and the rest and shooting off fireworks way too close to each other and to dried grass. Those were fun nights. Seems like so far away right now. And it is.

Back on the westside and home now. Kids are riding bikes through the streets and dropping firecrackers. Fireworks are going off through the urban night as they have been for weeks now.

Close your eyes, it's Independence Day.

I'm just sitting here in my apartment on the couch eating cereal and watching an Indiana Jones movie. No idea why. And perfectly happy about it, if not a little tired. Too tired to read; probably too tired to make it through the movie as well.  ¶ 7/03/2007 10:26:00 PM 0 comments