the world needs ditchdiggers too I'm coordinating a team of volunteers from our organization for a charity golf tournament this summer. And so, of course, there comes the time where it's obligated that I pull out the Caddyshack quotes. And as it is, of course, the problem isn't remembering what the line from the movie was, but rather which one to pick.

  ¶ 5/30/2007 05:24:00 PM 0 comments

  Stephenville, TX   ¶ 5/29/2007 10:05:00 PM 0 comments

  had a birthday over the weekend. turned 25. I'm back from Texas now, in Providence. Or as I sometimes call it (tongue-in-cheekly, of course) "f-ing Providence." Back to life...without an air conditioner. screaming babies next door. emergency sirens constantly filling the night air. the occasional breeze.

but at least this year I have a ceiling fan.

Memorial Day is almost over. Ah yes, summer is nearly here.

oK. could probably write more, but you know. not gonna right now.  ¶ 5/28/2007 10:06:00 PM 0 comments

  GTT I'm going to Texas tomorrow. Going to see the family, help my Mom move into a new house, and turn 25.

One of the weirdest but nicest parts about going back home to Texas is that almost immediately after I step off the plane (or somewhere in the air between here and there) I forget about life in RI for a while. I was talking about this at work today with Jen, who is from Ohio and is also going home over the weekend, about how the "Adult Josh" lives and works in RI, but the "other/family Josh" hangs out with his family in Texas and does absolutely nothing relevant to "Adult Josh" life. It's really a great feeling. I cannot wait.

I cannot wait.  ¶ 5/22/2007 09:32:00 PM 0 comments

  in which Josh apparently sucks at his job? today I got told by a sort of professional colleague who I guess forgot who I was that I didn't know what I was doing. However since he forgot who I was, I guess he didn't realize that he was telling me that I really didn't know what I was doing.

does that make sense? talk about a blow to the ego. and I was feelin' pretty good today before that. I was in two meetings where the Governor (that's of the state) made an appearance. Had myself a nice suit on, listening to some Buffett in the car, sunroof open on a beautiful day.

so yeah in a way it kinda shook me, although I kinda got a little balance back from the person who is ultimately over the both of us (the one who controls the money) that I was very much a crucial part of the big picture operation. Although I have yet to really prove ourself, it is a work in progress. What makes me a little nervous about the whole thing is that the man who told me I suck and lack experience (to my face) actually, well you know, has experience and thus knows what he's talking about. I think.

I am coming to a very crucial point in my job. Not nesc. a tipping point, but in some ways that's what it is. Kinda somewhere in between a "tipping point" and a "point of no return." Mixed in with a point of "Ok, no more bullshit."

I'm so young, most days I just feel like I'm treading just to keep my head above water. And most days it comes up to my 'stache line. If I had a 'stache.

just have to keep at it though, you know? That's my professional life, and I have to show others that the work I'm doing is actually worth their effort to consider and pay for. That I'm a professional at my job and I can see the big picture and know how to get there. Yeah.

No shit.  ¶ 5/21/2007 09:20:00 PM 0 comments

  always on my mind/no more war (read it--not what you think) last night I had a strange dream (well I had several actually; I chalk it up to the two giant bowls of ice cream I gluttoned myself with during the evening hours). In this dream I was with a group of people and their families, most notably1980's Willie Nelson, and we were together in a large white building with many staircases and windows and Germans at the time of the Fall of the Berlin Wall. And it was Christmas. my group was not a part of the other, larger crowd, ze Germans. We were a little scared, and scattered all over the large white building. but with the Wall coming down we were all relieved.

Now I know these events didn't happen at the same time, but hey I've never met 1980's Willie Nelson. What's weird though is that the dream ended with me going around the building, trying to locate my friends and their families to make sure everyone was ok, and I was giving them the "all-clear" speech to indicate that whatever it was for us was over; and that also it was now Christmas morning. Of course, for dramatic purposes 1980's Willie was the last of our group to be found. He was with his family in a large hidden area underneath a staircase. When I found him he was standing off to the side, smiling and watching his kids. I asked around and finally was directed towards under the stairs. Around us everyone was celebrating the end of the Cold War. 1980's Willie saw me come in and walked over to me, smiling. Wearing a Santa Claus costume. Red felt.

Now here's where it gets weird. About this time I woke up. I had to pee or something. I had to pee like three times last night, what was the deal? Must have been the melted ice cream. Anyways. I woke up but wanted to finish the dream. So I was semi-awake lying in bed refusing to get up and piss until I finished my dream. So I created in my mind the conversation between myself and 1980's Willie Nelson. I told him that it was all clear, that the war was over. He smiled patted me on the shoulder and nodded and said "Yeah, yeah I know." And then he went back to watching his children play! It was awesome.
I stood there and watched for a moment also, and then started back out from his hiding place under the stairs, back out into the...

then I forced myself out of bed and over to the bathroom.
that's it. good to know that I'm still creative. any place as an outlet for my creativity is better than no place. even if it is my dreams.  ¶ 5/18/2007 08:02:00 AM 2 comments

  we both do.

my brother made up lyrics when we were younger. I still sing them to myself sometimes just to get a laugh.

"Here comes Sanford/
Here comes Sanford and his son.
They drive a truck.
And the work at shop/
Where they sell junk!
You know they will
Sell you anything.
Yeah they will."
  ¶ 5/17/2007 10:56:00 PM 0 comments

  what I'm not (riz-dee/growing up edition) in America, Providence--the old part of the city--has to be the one of the most beautiful cities in which to experience a rainy night. My buddy Tom showed his senior animation project tonight down at RISD and I decided to stop in and support his work. Good stuff, Tom's the greatest.

Tonight it is raining, not heavy rain but just a nice, pretty steady shower. I made my way out of the auditorium and down the sidewalk next to the Providence River, noticing the beauty of the rain splashing on the concrete, on the water-like substance in the river. Looking down the street across Kennedy Plaza at the City Hall building. Looking up at the rain falling past the streetlights. part of me really wanted my camera. a larger part of me really wanted someone else experiencing the moment with me. I looked around to see who else might be walking about the streets. They were there, some of them. I wondered what they were thinking/noticing.

Walking up College Hill on the ancient brick sidewalk to where I parked my car, past the First Baptist Church and the Providence Art Club. Listening to the rain hit the canvas on my umbrella.

Putting my umbrella down to my side so I could catch a look at the steeple. At the lights on the tops of the buildings downtown.

I'm back here in my quiet apartment three stories up, sitting at my kitchen table listening to the girls below me play drinking games, both our windows being open. Listening to the cars pass by outside on the rain-slick street. Listening to the rain still gently falling, bouncing off the city.

Life's about to change for me, I can feel it. I believe that it will be a good change, but very different. I'll be moving next month to a completely different neighborhood--which in Providence like New York or Boston is like moving to a completely different city. I'll be losing friends who graduate and move off across the country. I'll be working off a whole new frame of mind.
I believe that will bring about a totally new lifestyle, a totally new Providence. It's exciting. It truly does feel like a new chapter this year is about to begin.  ¶ 5/16/2007 09:22:00 PM 0 comments

  in which family is awesome. family is awesome.  ¶ 5/16/2007 05:35:00 PM 0 comments

    ¶ 5/15/2007 10:19:00 PM 0 comments

  National AmeriCorps Week May 13-20 is the first annual National AmeriCorps week! AmeriCorps Week is a weeklong recruitment and recognition event designed to bring more Americans into service, salute AmeriCorps members and alums for their powerful impact, and thank the community partners who make AmeriCorps possible.

AmeriCorps Week provides an opportunity for AmeriCorps members, alums, grantees, program partners, and friends to shine a spotlight on the work done by members in communities across the country – and to motivate more Americans to join AmeriCorps or volunteer in their communities.

This spring, the 500,000th AmeriCorps member will take the pledge to “get things done for America.

http://www.americorps.gov/about/americorpsweek/index.asp

-----------

Share the love. Serve others. Don't hate, don't slander. Don't kill. You don't have to love everything our government does to recognize that some of it does work, and needs to continue and grow. Volunteer, it ain't that hard.
  ¶ 5/14/2007 05:45:00 PM 0 comments

  I have to be the worst HALO player ever. ever. even when I get a kill, I void it by suiciding myself.

but hey I'm alright with that.

been revisiting elliot smith's album either/or over the past few days. really getting into the drums, never really noticed them before.  ¶ 5/13/2007 09:37:00 PM 0 comments

  oh yeah... ...I am young and living in the city. sometimes I forget that.

most days I forget that.

I live such a varied life. Example Friday: I started the morning getting ready for a meeting at The United Way where I met with other colleagues to discuss issues regarding disaster preparedness and response for the state of Rhode Island. When I say "colleagues" that includes the CEO of the Red Cross, Vice Presidents of the UW; pastors and representatives from the state EMA. And of course my idol, Vin.

Then I went over to meet with my potential new roommate and check out a few apartments in the Armory district. I'm involved with a group called westside Arts and, despite not having much of a physical presence on the westside of Providence we have a heart for that neighborhood. And so I figure it's the perfect excuse to, you know, move over there and actually live there. So I'm looking into doing that soon. And it feels great.

So tonight I volunteered to help out at a gallery/fund raiser for WBNA celebrating the artists from the westside and the re-opening of the Cranston Street Armory. It was awesome. A great building, re-opened and utilized in a great way. With amazing art, free 'Gansett's (that's beer for you non Rhody's), and even a scooter raffle. Screw gas, screw oil. I wasted plenty of it today myself, unfortunately.

After the auction a few of us went downtown for a beverage or two. When I walked out of Trinity and began to head home, the fog had rolled in and the band down at AS220 had moved out onto the sidewalk. It was great. I think I heard a tuba. I definitely heard genuine applause.

So it turned out to be one of those days where I can reflect back and say "Rhode Island...Providence...yeah, it ain't that bad."

Also downtown I saw a Japanese cowboy. But despite the Texas pride flowing through my veins at the site of a Stetson, I didn't introduce myself. I just smiled and nodded. Yes sir, just smiled and nodded. but all night I have been listening to a great Waylon Jennings album my bro bought me. and mama's, don't let your babies grow up to be...damn that's some good songwriting.

and now, windows open, I hear people talking and laughing down the street somewhere close. city life. it sure is something.  ¶ 5/12/2007 01:09:00 AM 1 comments

  if life is really
as short as it seems
than why are the days so long?
and why do I never have trouble
falling asleep at night?  ¶ 5/10/2007 10:27:00 PM 0 comments

  An instruction and a quote from my Google homepage
If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
_____________________________________________________________________
Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps, for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are and what they ought to be.
- William Hazlitt  ¶ 5/10/2007 11:16:00 AM 0 comments

  I'm forced to admit that Texas Monthly always makes me regret ever leaving that heavenly gift to our planet known as Texas.  ¶ 5/08/2007 07:03:00 PM 0 comments

  everybody knows I just watched a good documentary, Shut Up and Sing about the Dixie Chicks and the controversy around lead singer Natalie Maines comments in London during the 2003 run up to the recent Iraq quagmire. In the midst of the ongoing debates I hesitate using the term "war" because...well, I just do.
I'm a Dixie Chicks fan, I'll admit it. Have been for years, and it was just fueled honestly by not so much her comments and actions but rather by the amazing reaction from the American people. It was once radio stations started having Chick merchandise smashing parties that I finally bought the album they were promoting at the time. From a K-Mart in Marietta, Ohio. A few weeks before the shock and awe began. I remember it very clearly. I was very scared of my country, for the first time in my life. I felt like I was growing up very fast. I understood episodes of The Wonder Years much more personally than ever before.

And yes, I was a victim of the PR. And I really liked the album. Not as much as their follow-up to the controversy, their latest Taking the Long Way. This movie show a remarkable image of our country four years ago. In the current times of George Tenet's tell-all and GOP turnaround, I'm just very...upset. Am I ashamed that the President is from Texas? Well, no...he was born in Connecticut. As a Texan I'm ashamed he associates himself with Texas to the rest of the world, but I get over that. No, I'm ashamed at the corporate administration down there in D.C. and the direction they have taken my country over the past seven years. That's what ashames me, as a...person.

I have felt a lot more lately as if I am becoming, as I say, righteously angry. Yes I'm sick of this war and of the constant deaths in Darfur and of human rights violations in China and Central America and just about everywhere else you turn, but it's so much more. I'm angry all over the place. And I'm trying so very hard to make sure I know why. I use the term "righteously angry" so as not to make 'anger' an emotion but a honest, sincere state of mind. Jesus was righteously angry, and He had and has every right to be. Righteous anger includes a great degree of love and concern. And I don't think there is enough of it in the world right now. And there needs to be.

I am going to go to Haiti this summer for several days, to help out with a mission that is building a school for the children of a small rural community there. I'm praying for this mission but for so much more. It is overwhelming. And I don't do nearly enough to feed the need...and to feed my soul. But I have felt recently like I have to acknowledge that whatever service I am able to do, whatever I am led to do, to support positive change in this world...well how can I deny that?

Sure this trip costs money, money I don't have. I think I'm down to about $50.00 in the bank right now. And my crazy work will make me take the week off without pay. But like any of that is important. Money will come for this project. If I have to sell my possessions....well I have been selling DVD's and CD's to raise additional funds. So I guess I do. But so what.

And now for something completely different: Rob and Kase are having a baby. Our boy is gonna be a father. What can I say? It's just great for them. Great, great. I'll never forget where I was when I heard the news: conked out cold in bed on Nyquill!
  ¶ 5/07/2007 09:49:00 PM 0 comments

  Josh '08 I like D.C. a lot. Maybe it was the spring weather, but something about the fact that there were people around, walking around, everywhere that made it very inviting. Very cool. And so many young people. I liked that a lot. People my age. Working, living. Riding the Metro. It's nice to be in a city that feels so alive.

I liked it so much, I think I'd like to go back. Perhaps for a more...extended stay.

Now I'm not saying anything official, I'm just still exploring my options. But I am getting close to forming an exploratory committee.  ¶ 5/02/2007 09:04:00 AM 1 comments