Chapter 25
Monday, October 31, 2005
stupid quiz. thanks.
I usually don't take any stock into these things, but I realized that this summed me up better than I could ever do so in my own words. Man.
¶ 10/31/2005 08:02:00 PM 0 comments
| Your World View |
You are a cautious type, neutral, and rather insecure. You would agree with the idea that everybody has his price... And in your own case it would not be high. You are ruled by an inferiority complex and not easy to assess. How do you present yourself to the world? An idealist, a moralist, a conformist keeping up with the Joneses? |
This is Houston. Houston sucks.
This is Houston.
Houston sucks.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Headed out to Houston for the weekend. Seaberg needed someone to help with something for his work; I just wanted an excuse to get away. And not much else happened.
My only regret is that I didn't take my camera into the Jack-In-The-Box that we stopped in on the way home. There was a bug zapper permanently fixed to the wall...inside. On second thought, I am glad I didn't take my camera in. Too disgusting to even remember.
This morning I woke up around 6:30 this morning and headed out of Austin. I took this picture while sitting in a parking lot. Happy Halloween.
A beautiful Fall morning in Texas.
Rain starts to move in from the West. I continue to head towards the North, towards Ft. Worth.
Soon we intersect into the worst rain driving I've ever experienced. And I've been around. Still I did the only natural action and whipped out the camera. Not the safest thing to do while driving 30 mph on a rain-slicked interstate? You're right.
I'm back home now. Another e-mail from the Peace Corps.
"...Unfortunately the likelihood of your leaving this winter is
very
low. I believe you are much more qualified for a community development
program and at this point they are mostly full and tend to be very
competitive. I will be happy to investigate community development
program options for you leaving in the spring and summer time. When those times
draw closer I will be in touch again."
I don't know what to do now. I need a job. I need a direction. I'm starting to think that this sucks. Sure, there is the potential for everything to be fine. But as for right now, I'm not living that potential. And I'm not sure what move I need to make now to get to moving towards the right direction. ¶ 10/31/2005 02:24:00 PM 2 comments
Houston sucks.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Headed out to Houston for the weekend. Seaberg needed someone to help with something for his work; I just wanted an excuse to get away. And not much else happened.
My only regret is that I didn't take my camera into the Jack-In-The-Box that we stopped in on the way home. There was a bug zapper permanently fixed to the wall...inside. On second thought, I am glad I didn't take my camera in. Too disgusting to even remember.
This morning I woke up around 6:30 this morning and headed out of Austin. I took this picture while sitting in a parking lot. Happy Halloween.
A beautiful Fall morning in Texas.
Rain starts to move in from the West. I continue to head towards the North, towards Ft. Worth.
Soon we intersect into the worst rain driving I've ever experienced. And I've been around. Still I did the only natural action and whipped out the camera. Not the safest thing to do while driving 30 mph on a rain-slicked interstate? You're right.
I'm back home now. Another e-mail from the Peace Corps.
"...Unfortunately the likelihood of your leaving this winter is
very
low. I believe you are much more qualified for a community development
program and at this point they are mostly full and tend to be very
competitive. I will be happy to investigate community development
program options for you leaving in the spring and summer time. When those times
draw closer I will be in touch again."
I don't know what to do now. I need a job. I need a direction. I'm starting to think that this sucks. Sure, there is the potential for everything to be fine. But as for right now, I'm not living that potential. And I'm not sure what move I need to make now to get to moving towards the right direction. ¶ 10/31/2005 02:24:00 PM 2 comments
Friday, October 28, 2005
that it can only be seen/by the eyes of the blind
This has been a tough week. It just has. I've been having an ongoing conversation with about three people in the what I assume is relatively small Peace Corps Placement Office. It started with this:
"...due to programming changes, the program you were originally nominated has been postponed. We would like to reaffirm that this change is no reflection whatsoever on your candidacy for Peace Corps, but rather, independent factors related to programming. Because this program has been postponed until July 2006, we would like to explore a couple of possible options with you. "
"You have the option of either: 1) request to be considered for an earlier program, which may involve doing a different project in a different region, or 2) request to be considered for this same program, but departing in July. Please keep in mind that with option 1, the possibility of an alternative program would depend on the availability of an alternative that is an appropriate match for your skills and experience."
I replied back, asking a few questions about my options further. I was sort of taken for a loop. Sort of. Unsure exactly of what this meant I shot back a few questions. From yet another person, this time I think a supervisor, I received this:
"...due to programming changes, the program you were originally nominated has been postponed. We would like to reaffirm that this change is no reflection whatsoever on your candidacy for Peace Corps, but rather, independent factors related to programming. Because this program has been postponed until July 2006, we would like to explore a couple of possible options with you. "
"You have the option of either: 1) request to be considered for an earlier program, which may involve doing a different project in a different region, or 2) request to be considered for this same program, but departing in July. Please keep in mind that with option 1, the possibility of an alternative program would depend on the availability of an alternative that is an appropriate match for your skills and experience."
I replied back, asking a few questions about my options further. I was sort of taken for a loop. Sort of. Unsure exactly of what this meant I shot back a few questions. From yet another person, this time I think a supervisor, I received this:
"...1) If you decided that you were still interested in departing in the winter, I could continue to review your file and then attempt to identify programs for which you would qualify. However, this would definitely not be in the Caribbean region and would more likely be in either Africa or Eastern Europe, if anything was available at all. The timeframe that you would be looking at for these programs would be anywhere from January - March departure.
2) If you choose to wait for the original program which has been postponed to July you may do so. However, I cannot guarantee that further changes will be made to the program. I do not anticipate any changes at this time but when they do occur they are unanticipated. We try to minimize this happening at all but, unfortunately, due to circumstances beyond our control, sometimes it happens.
Please be aware that Peace Corps can never guarantee an invitation and your invitation is pending further review by me for your skills and suitability for service. Provided all of this is without incident, we can look into programs."
So it looks like plans are changing. I don't know what's going on. I do know that the ftershocks of all this information have not made for a pleasant few days. Thankfully, just in time, my ol' pal Chris hollered and asked if I wanted to tag along with him to Houston this game. He periodically does something or other for his work during Houston Texan games. Hey, free trip, free football game. I'm there.
A few years ago my parents bought me for Christmas or Birthday one a 10-disc CD changer for my car. My life has never been the same since. I enjoy road trips usually, and since me and my car have seen plenty in the days since, the 10 disc CD changer has become a staple of setting the mood for the day, a la Nicholson in As Good as it Gets. Tha's right: good times, noodle salad. So anytime I head out for an extended period of time, when I know I won't be listening to NPR, I get to set the tone for the trip. It's always my favorite part.
I don't know what's going on in my life. I don't know what's going on with the Peace Corps. But when I'm programming my disc changer I always get to take a step back for at least a few minutes and try and get a grip on it all.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Monday, October 24, 2005
Q: What did "the guy with five American flags on his truck say to the guy with four?
A: Go back to Afghanistan, you communist mother-f@#$%!"--Kinky Friedman, Texas Monthly 8/05 ¶ 10/24/2005 07:33:00 PM 1 comments
A: Go back to Afghanistan, you communist mother-f@#$%!"--Kinky Friedman, Texas Monthly 8/05 ¶ 10/24/2005 07:33:00 PM 1 comments
Saturday, October 22, 2005
MySpace mugged me/I grew a beard once, but it fell off/My Little Drum
For me, it started with AIM. I was somewhat aware of this "phenomenon" in high school, but rarely did I have the time or need for instant messaging. Then came college, and with that, distance. So AIM became a staple of life: we would use it in the dorms to decide with friends if we wanted to eat, go to class, or get drunk on...life. Then came the excuses to flirt with the opposite sex, which brought a whole new dimension to the IM (Eventually I think I even broke up with a girl over IM) ((no wonder I suck with girls)) (((I like making up grammar rules, like adding parenthesis with every addition to your initial statement))). Soon I was talking to family and friends all over the country using AIM. I figured the internet could not be any more useful than it was right then.
Apparently, I was way off.
I sometimes feel like I have been ostracized by people my age because I have not become a member of the world that is known as MySpace (or, to a lesser degree, Facebook). ((I know this isn't true)) (((I sure hope not anyways))). I've drawn the line at keeping a blog, since it's mainly for me anyways. And I'm happy with my Blogger, ranting about life or lack thereof. However what little contact I have had with people over Blogger or AIM seems to have vanished over the past few weeks/months. I'm sure the real reason is because I have cut myself off and become uninteresting; because everyone I know is still moving and I'm'standing still'. But I feel like passing the buck, so I think I'll go ahead and blame these web communities because it's my blog and I can (screw Friendster...I tried that crap and realized that the whole thought of something like it just really bummed me out. Plus I keep getting "invites" from computer "check out my website" whores. I'm not that desperate...yet).
So I thought that when I left the college arena that this thing would gradually disappear from my radar, but I have come to find that it has spread everywhere. I don't know much of anyone any more who isn't on it; nor can I go somewhere without overhearing someone mention it all. It's quite confusing to me because I'm looking too much into it as I try to understand the implications it will have on our society. I think in theory it would be great as far as creating a global community. But it might be a blind global community, after hearing how long some of my friends have spent on it. But that's another aspect all together (there was a big article about it in the Times a few months ago, but unless you sheck out some coins to the subscribe to TimesSelect it's unavailable online <Do You My Space 10/28/05>).
Anyways this being posted at ten o'clock on a Saturday night lets you know how much of a loser I am these days (I won't tell you what music is playing behind me right now) ((A Charlie Brown Christmas)) (((before that Pet Sounds))). Well I don't know. I still refuse this MySpace thing, if only now out of pure stubbornness. I'm waiting to hear back from the Peace Corps placement office, it could be anyday now or it could be another month. I grew a beard but shaved most of it all this week. (My Grandpa yesterday: 'Well lets see...when I was 23 I was in the jungle of the Philippines.' The story included not only a beard but also a shaved head and an eye patch. It was quite possibly one of the coolest stories I had ever heard...except the one involving my other grandaddy on his first hunting experience and a clever misunderstanding of the term "duck!" when out in the field. I'll give you a hint to how that one ends: a raised gun and a young kid asking "Where?").
Lately (and it's my fault) I have been idle, and it's beginning to maybe take its' toll, however at one point this week I think I understood the importance of it all...for a brief second of enlightenment. Still over the past few weeks I have been scattered everywhere, from Germany before the war to the jungles of Vietnam; from protests on the University of Wisconsin campus and the 1863 New York City draft riots. I have experienced weddings and bar rooms; waiting rooms and homelessness on the sidewalk. I have been to India and Africa and Austin and Illinois. I have felt sorrow and rejection and worry and loneliness; I have laughed and smiled and learned and taught. I have come to understand Einstein and question Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. I have drank water and realized what it meant. And all of these experiences I have explored without physically leaving a (rough) two hundred mile radius, most without leaving a forty mile radius, and still almost all of them within the confines of my own home.
I don't know what next week holds, but I'm determined to make it better than the last. Fall temperatures are finally here; windows can open at night. I need to start jogging again. I need to stop eating grease. I need to finish the book I keep avoiding. I need to stop longing. I need to stop missing what I don't even know. I need to face reality, as best as I possibly can right now.
"Then Jesus said to them, "Don't you understand this parable? How then will you understand any parable?" Mark 4:13
Apparently, I was way off.
I sometimes feel like I have been ostracized by people my age because I have not become a member of the world that is known as MySpace (or, to a lesser degree, Facebook). ((I know this isn't true)) (((I sure hope not anyways))). I've drawn the line at keeping a blog, since it's mainly for me anyways. And I'm happy with my Blogger, ranting about life or lack thereof. However what little contact I have had with people over Blogger or AIM seems to have vanished over the past few weeks/months. I'm sure the real reason is because I have cut myself off and become uninteresting; because everyone I know is still moving and I'm'standing still'. But I feel like passing the buck, so I think I'll go ahead and blame these web communities because it's my blog and I can (screw Friendster...I tried that crap and realized that the whole thought of something like it just really bummed me out. Plus I keep getting "invites" from computer "check out my website" whores. I'm not that desperate...yet).
So I thought that when I left the college arena that this thing would gradually disappear from my radar, but I have come to find that it has spread everywhere. I don't know much of anyone any more who isn't on it; nor can I go somewhere without overhearing someone mention it all. It's quite confusing to me because I'm looking too much into it as I try to understand the implications it will have on our society. I think in theory it would be great as far as creating a global community. But it might be a blind global community, after hearing how long some of my friends have spent on it. But that's another aspect all together (there was a big article about it in the Times a few months ago, but unless you sheck out some coins to the subscribe to TimesSelect it's unavailable online <Do You My Space 10/28/05>).
Anyways this being posted at ten o'clock on a Saturday night lets you know how much of a loser I am these days (I won't tell you what music is playing behind me right now) ((A Charlie Brown Christmas)) (((before that Pet Sounds))). Well I don't know. I still refuse this MySpace thing, if only now out of pure stubbornness. I'm waiting to hear back from the Peace Corps placement office, it could be anyday now or it could be another month. I grew a beard but shaved most of it all this week. (My Grandpa yesterday: 'Well lets see...when I was 23 I was in the jungle of the Philippines.' The story included not only a beard but also a shaved head and an eye patch. It was quite possibly one of the coolest stories I had ever heard...except the one involving my other grandaddy on his first hunting experience and a clever misunderstanding of the term "duck!" when out in the field. I'll give you a hint to how that one ends: a raised gun and a young kid asking "Where?").
Lately (and it's my fault) I have been idle, and it's beginning to maybe take its' toll, however at one point this week I think I understood the importance of it all...for a brief second of enlightenment. Still over the past few weeks I have been scattered everywhere, from Germany before the war to the jungles of Vietnam; from protests on the University of Wisconsin campus and the 1863 New York City draft riots. I have experienced weddings and bar rooms; waiting rooms and homelessness on the sidewalk. I have been to India and Africa and Austin and Illinois. I have felt sorrow and rejection and worry and loneliness; I have laughed and smiled and learned and taught. I have come to understand Einstein and question Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. I have drank water and realized what it meant. And all of these experiences I have explored without physically leaving a (rough) two hundred mile radius, most without leaving a forty mile radius, and still almost all of them within the confines of my own home.
I don't know what next week holds, but I'm determined to make it better than the last. Fall temperatures are finally here; windows can open at night. I need to start jogging again. I need to stop eating grease. I need to finish the book I keep avoiding. I need to stop longing. I need to stop missing what I don't even know. I need to face reality, as best as I possibly can right now.
"Then Jesus said to them, "Don't you understand this parable? How then will you understand any parable?" Mark 4:13
Sunday, October 16, 2005
WILMA! WIIIIIILLLLLLLMMMMMMAAAAAAA!
Well, looks like we made it (almost). I don't know why they didn't assign an X,Y,or Z to Hurricane Names, but the end of the alphabet is Wilma. And she's forming just south of Grand Cayman. Seeing as I was with the authorities and everyone down there just a few months ago during the same situation, I know exactly what's going on right now. It's expected to pass into the Gulf and just increase in power. Here's to the best. Here's to another week. ¶ 10/16/2005 06:29:00 PM 2 comments
Well, looks like we made it (almost). I don't know why they didn't assign an X,Y,or Z to Hurricane Names, but the end of the alphabet is Wilma. And she's forming just south of Grand Cayman. Seeing as I was with the authorities and everyone down there just a few months ago during the same situation, I know exactly what's going on right now. It's expected to pass into the Gulf and just increase in power. Here's to the best. Here's to another week. ¶ 10/16/2005 06:29:00 PM 2 comments
Saturday, October 15, 2005
Don't Panic.
I have a list. Because of college and work and a lack of social life over the past 10-15 months (as well as a few months out of the country) there have been many films I have missed out on. So I have a list of movies I want to rent/see. Since I'll be leaving in a few months I decided not to re-up my Netflix queue, but instead decided just to keep a Post-It notes of movies to catch.
Crash. Edgy, if I can use a quick descriptive word and sound lame. Just see it.
Be Cool: Didn't suck.
Lackawana Blues. Smooooth, playa. Lt. Van Buren took off the badge and gun she usually wears on Law and Order and kicked some ass in a tailor made role. She won an Emmy for it a few weeks ago, and well deserved.
But tonight I saw a fantastic yarn. Let's say brilliant? I've been familiar with the history but have never heard any of the audio tales or read any of the books, so the movie was my first trip into the world of the late Douglas Adams. I knew I'd be a fan when I first started finding out about the movie and the ideas behind the tale, but now after watching The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy I'm sold. Such a cool story. I dug everything about this movie. I know there are superfans out there so I'm gonna stop so I don't sound any more lame than I already am.
But within the first five minutes I knew this was going to become one of my favorite films. I just dig the concept, baby. I gotta check out the books and anything else I can about this one. And I should maybe get to Madagascar before it's too late.
If anyone cares, that is. Which I don't blame you if you don't. ¶ 10/15/2005 12:11:00 AM 2 comments
Crash. Edgy, if I can use a quick descriptive word and sound lame. Just see it.
Be Cool: Didn't suck.
Lackawana Blues. Smooooth, playa. Lt. Van Buren took off the badge and gun she usually wears on Law and Order and kicked some ass in a tailor made role. She won an Emmy for it a few weeks ago, and well deserved.
But tonight I saw a fantastic yarn. Let's say brilliant? I've been familiar with the history but have never heard any of the audio tales or read any of the books, so the movie was my first trip into the world of the late Douglas Adams. I knew I'd be a fan when I first started finding out about the movie and the ideas behind the tale, but now after watching The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy I'm sold. Such a cool story. I dug everything about this movie. I know there are superfans out there so I'm gonna stop so I don't sound any more lame than I already am.
But within the first five minutes I knew this was going to become one of my favorite films. I just dig the concept, baby. I gotta check out the books and anything else I can about this one. And I should maybe get to Madagascar before it's too late.
If anyone cares, that is. Which I don't blame you if you don't. ¶ 10/15/2005 12:11:00 AM 2 comments
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
MEDICAL CLEARANCE!!! Tra la la!
You heard me. I said "Tra la la." Suck on it hosers.
I'm sorry. That was uncalled for, really. Nevertheless I'm a very happy man today. So happy I think I'll celebrate tonight by calling all my friends over and...oh who am I kidding. It's a new Law and Order, I'm not leaving the house. Stocking up on my American TV before I leave. I guess.
Sunday, October 09, 2005
False Skyscrapers/Morning shadows
I hope no one reads this. (pause) That just had to come out first. Blogs are so very strange, I don't know of any blog entry I have made that I have not gone back and edited or have thought about well in advance of writing it down. (pause) I just had to say that next.
Yesterday two of my closest, oldest friends in the world Tyler and Allison were married. It was a great night and everyone had a fun time celebrating their love and their future. It was an eclectic mix of family (his from all over Texas, hers from Long Island and elsewhere around New York) and friends and it went off without a hitch (except when the ministers robe almost lit on fire from a candle on the ground behind him). Laughter, tears, toasts, hugs. And dancing. Lots of pathetic dancing, and I opted out of almost all of it. I spent most of the night sitting back and watching everyone have a fun time, although I still was enjoying myself immensely. I have come to the conclusion in my life that I have more fun observing that I ever do participating, especially when it involves things kids my age usually do to socialize. After the happy couple departed in a handsome cab and we cleaned the place up a large section of us decided it was still early and that we needed to hit the square (we were in downtown Ft. Worth). Of course of all the places we wound up going again to The Library (see the definition of tool-box in the dictionary, it'll be the 3rd one down). And so yet again I found myself sitting back for most of the time, outside at a table with the seats around me changing numerous times with people from our party. I guess I could have been hitting on girls or trying to make new friends, but I didn't feel like it. I guess I could have tried to find common conversations even but no one really felt like it, as far as I could read the people around me. I hate a bar that plays house music, as this one does--and they play it loud--but we were able to hang out on a table outside so the noise was dissipated somewhat. But despite disliking the mes-en-scene the night felt so great outside that I could have cared less who or if I was talking with, if anyone at all. See I'm the kind of guy that if the temperature feels right, I don't care what else is going on around me. I don't need much else to make me happy. So from my eyes, it was a great night. Others around me I'm sure think I was dead weight and disliking everything, but that couldn't be further from the truth.
The night before was the rehearsal dinner and a few close knit of us shot down to Flying Saucer afterwards. That's a little more my speed, a corner table, a couch, good beer and good friends; if that's the scene I'll even settle for mundane conversation if necessary, which sometimes it is but not necessarily always the case. When we left the bar that night I turned to stare up at a building I have seen my entire life, and towering there in the partly-cloudy autumn night sky it looked like a hologram, a false creation. Temporal.
I'm listening to This American Life right now. It's better than just about any hour you could ever devote to television. Check out your local NPR station and find this show. You can even listen to their archive for free on their website. You will not regret taking time to listen--to become addicted--to this show.
So I'm in transition right now in life, and I don't quite understand my place. I don't understand where I fit in because it seems everywhere I go, everyone I spend time with, I'm just not right for the crowd or the situation. I'm just ready to go, to serve, to travel and don't look back for a good long while. And I mean that in the most respectful way possible. But while I'm not, despite not feeling as if I fit in where I might be used to or might expect to, there is an undying peace in my spirit that will not let anything get the best of me. The way I see it I went to bed around 3am Saturday morning to breaking news on CNN of a massive Earthquake striking Asia. Within hours the death toll would be estimated at 20,000 and growing. At the same time this number was growing I was fortunate to witness a father give away his daughter and an undying love of a growing family. Two contrasts and yet you can't forget either one. How can you not love life? Everything about it is so miraculous and so beautiful. And so tragic, which is all the more reason to love every second.
I crashed at a hotel downtown last night and awoke to walk through downtown to my car as the sun raised, causing shadows to crawl and dance along the buildings and through the corridors of the criss-crossed streets. It was the start to a new day. It was the start to a new week. The air was crisp.
Driving home the Coldplay song "Talk" came over the speakers.
'Are you lost or incomplete
Do you feel like a puzzle
You can't find your missing piece
Tell me how you feel
Well, I feel like they're talking in a language I don't speak
And they're talking it to me
So you take a picture of something you see
In the future where will I be
You could climb a ladder up to the sun
Or write a song nobody had sung
Or do something that's never been done
So you don't know where you're going
And you want to talk
And you feel like you're going where you've been before
You'll tell anyone who'll listen but you feel ignored
And nothing's really making any sense at all'
So that was my weekend. I just framed my diploma and I'm gonna go hang it on the wall now. Wait...did I just quote Coldplay? ¶ 10/09/2005 12:23:00 PM 1 comments
Yesterday two of my closest, oldest friends in the world Tyler and Allison were married. It was a great night and everyone had a fun time celebrating their love and their future. It was an eclectic mix of family (his from all over Texas, hers from Long Island and elsewhere around New York) and friends and it went off without a hitch (except when the ministers robe almost lit on fire from a candle on the ground behind him). Laughter, tears, toasts, hugs. And dancing. Lots of pathetic dancing, and I opted out of almost all of it. I spent most of the night sitting back and watching everyone have a fun time, although I still was enjoying myself immensely. I have come to the conclusion in my life that I have more fun observing that I ever do participating, especially when it involves things kids my age usually do to socialize. After the happy couple departed in a handsome cab and we cleaned the place up a large section of us decided it was still early and that we needed to hit the square (we were in downtown Ft. Worth). Of course of all the places we wound up going again to The Library (see the definition of tool-box in the dictionary, it'll be the 3rd one down). And so yet again I found myself sitting back for most of the time, outside at a table with the seats around me changing numerous times with people from our party. I guess I could have been hitting on girls or trying to make new friends, but I didn't feel like it. I guess I could have tried to find common conversations even but no one really felt like it, as far as I could read the people around me. I hate a bar that plays house music, as this one does--and they play it loud--but we were able to hang out on a table outside so the noise was dissipated somewhat. But despite disliking the mes-en-scene the night felt so great outside that I could have cared less who or if I was talking with, if anyone at all. See I'm the kind of guy that if the temperature feels right, I don't care what else is going on around me. I don't need much else to make me happy. So from my eyes, it was a great night. Others around me I'm sure think I was dead weight and disliking everything, but that couldn't be further from the truth.
The night before was the rehearsal dinner and a few close knit of us shot down to Flying Saucer afterwards. That's a little more my speed, a corner table, a couch, good beer and good friends; if that's the scene I'll even settle for mundane conversation if necessary, which sometimes it is but not necessarily always the case. When we left the bar that night I turned to stare up at a building I have seen my entire life, and towering there in the partly-cloudy autumn night sky it looked like a hologram, a false creation. Temporal.
I'm listening to This American Life right now. It's better than just about any hour you could ever devote to television. Check out your local NPR station and find this show. You can even listen to their archive for free on their website. You will not regret taking time to listen--to become addicted--to this show.
So I'm in transition right now in life, and I don't quite understand my place. I don't understand where I fit in because it seems everywhere I go, everyone I spend time with, I'm just not right for the crowd or the situation. I'm just ready to go, to serve, to travel and don't look back for a good long while. And I mean that in the most respectful way possible. But while I'm not, despite not feeling as if I fit in where I might be used to or might expect to, there is an undying peace in my spirit that will not let anything get the best of me. The way I see it I went to bed around 3am Saturday morning to breaking news on CNN of a massive Earthquake striking Asia. Within hours the death toll would be estimated at 20,000 and growing. At the same time this number was growing I was fortunate to witness a father give away his daughter and an undying love of a growing family. Two contrasts and yet you can't forget either one. How can you not love life? Everything about it is so miraculous and so beautiful. And so tragic, which is all the more reason to love every second.
I crashed at a hotel downtown last night and awoke to walk through downtown to my car as the sun raised, causing shadows to crawl and dance along the buildings and through the corridors of the criss-crossed streets. It was the start to a new day. It was the start to a new week. The air was crisp.
Driving home the Coldplay song "Talk" came over the speakers.
'Are you lost or incomplete
Do you feel like a puzzle
You can't find your missing piece
Tell me how you feel
Well, I feel like they're talking in a language I don't speak
And they're talking it to me
So you take a picture of something you see
In the future where will I be
You could climb a ladder up to the sun
Or write a song nobody had sung
Or do something that's never been done
So you don't know where you're going
And you want to talk
And you feel like you're going where you've been before
You'll tell anyone who'll listen but you feel ignored
And nothing's really making any sense at all'
So that was my weekend. I just framed my diploma and I'm gonna go hang it on the wall now. Wait...did I just quote Coldplay? ¶ 10/09/2005 12:23:00 PM 1 comments
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
waiting to Fall down
The end of summer. 10/4/05
From the Weather Channel..." SIGNIFICANT COOLDOWN EXPECTED ACROSS NORTH TEXAS. A STRONG CANADIAN COLD FRONT WILL MOVE ACROSS NORTH TEXAS WEDNESDAY NIGHT AND BRING AN ABRUPT END TO A LONG STRING OF ABOVE NORMAL TEMPERATURES...RESIDENTS ACROSS NORTH TEXAS BE PREPARED FOR THE MUCH COOLER TEMPERATURE..."
It's about damn time. I was checking in on the Weather Channel this morning, they're tracking this cold front like they would a hurricane. It's slowly moving across the country, down here we're not the only ones abnormally warm. From here in Ft. Worth to Kentucky and even Vermont (one town hit a record high in the mid-50's...I hope they survived) are abnormally warm, setting new highs. If there's one thing I look to Canada for, other than folk singers and clever comedians, it's the first artic air of the season. What happened guys, it's practically time to carve open the turkey? I guess better late than never, eh? ¶ 10/04/2005 04:45:00 PM 1 comments
The end of summer. 10/4/05From the Weather Channel..." SIGNIFICANT COOLDOWN EXPECTED ACROSS NORTH TEXAS. A STRONG CANADIAN COLD FRONT WILL MOVE ACROSS NORTH TEXAS WEDNESDAY NIGHT AND BRING AN ABRUPT END TO A LONG STRING OF ABOVE NORMAL TEMPERATURES...RESIDENTS ACROSS NORTH TEXAS BE PREPARED FOR THE MUCH COOLER TEMPERATURE..."
It's about damn time. I was checking in on the Weather Channel this morning, they're tracking this cold front like they would a hurricane. It's slowly moving across the country, down here we're not the only ones abnormally warm. From here in Ft. Worth to Kentucky and even Vermont (one town hit a record high in the mid-50's...I hope they survived) are abnormally warm, setting new highs. If there's one thing I look to Canada for, other than folk singers and clever comedians, it's the first artic air of the season. What happened guys, it's practically time to carve open the turkey? I guess better late than never, eh? ¶ 10/04/2005 04:45:00 PM 1 comments
Thoughts on a Monday, abridged
On Monday I went with my Mom and Sarah to visit colleges in East Texas. Sis is a senior this year so she's trying to figure out what's next in line. Being fortunate enough to have the opportunity for college, I think she found one yesterday that she really likes. It's a small, private school in Marshall, TX (population like 20) called East Texas Baptist University. We took a quick tour and met with an admissions counselor and you could tell on Sis' expression whent alking with him that she realy wanted to make this the place...which was cool. So I think it's figured out for her. Let's hope so...college in my family hasn't always been an easy equation. Mom went to Baylor because it was the farthest away she was allowed to go to, Dad went to Texas Tech because they admitted him and his friends were going out there (gee, sounds familiar) and brother Ben is out at Tarleton State because he thought it was where his life was going to be. Then my Grandparents sold their ranch property out there where he was planning on living and his whole plans were shattered, something he hasn't recovered from yet, and probably never will.
Of course I left Tech and found my way at UNT, and it all came together in the end, but wouldn't it be great if at least it worked that way for someone in our family from the beginning? I really liked the school for sis, and I pray it'll just be a great fit for her next year. College life has the potential to be so cool. I just screwed mine up I guess.
So I have a wedding to go to this weekend of two of my closest friends, and I've yet to find a gift. Should I try for something unique or something off their registry that would be practical (like a frying pan or salt and pepper shakers?). I used to be creative, what happened? ¶ 10/04/2005 10:34:00 AM 2 comments
Of course I left Tech and found my way at UNT, and it all came together in the end, but wouldn't it be great if at least it worked that way for someone in our family from the beginning? I really liked the school for sis, and I pray it'll just be a great fit for her next year. College life has the potential to be so cool. I just screwed mine up I guess.
So I have a wedding to go to this weekend of two of my closest friends, and I've yet to find a gift. Should I try for something unique or something off their registry that would be practical (like a frying pan or salt and pepper shakers?). I used to be creative, what happened? ¶ 10/04/2005 10:34:00 AM 2 comments
