just an old sweet song/keeps Georgia on my mind I had a bad week. There, I said it. I had a bad week. I'm a prisoner in my own driveway. I let was supposed to take some friends to the airport the other morning and I couldn't get my car out of the driveway because my neighbor refused to answer his door after blocking me in. so they had to call a cab at the last minute.

Work is frustrating me beyond belief. I found out last week I can only work 35 hours a week with no comp time. I found out this week that I can't even compensate sick days or vacation days for the trip I was planning for in May...because those don't become active until 6 months on the job. 6 months seems a little much, for a little nonprofit with a small staff, or is that just me? So I don't know what I'm going to do there. If I just take off and they don't pay me, then fine, whatever.
I'm going home to see my family.

I miss Texas, but sometimes I wonder what it is about Texas that I miss. The people I know? The places I'm familiar with? The weather? The food? The idea?

I usually have these feeling, and these emotions, when I have a bad day--or in this case bad weeks.
But I'm trying not to grumble; I read some 1st Corinthians 10:10 last night and I suppose it put me in my place.

Although obviously not enough, if I'm still feeling these emotions. And if I'm writing this. and if not even my friends can comfort me. well, they partially can. and the partially did.

but I'm still back here now, wrapped up in all this stupid stuff.

I'm helping my landlord tile our bathroom tomorrow. I'm not particuarly looking forward to it, but then again I really don't care and I suppose it will look nicer after it is through. So I guess it's fine.
My roommate is moving out in June, and hopefully one of my friends will move in. But now I don't know, and that makes me nervous becaise then the landlord will fill it with a random person. Not cool.

well there's probably more bothering me tonight, like the current question running through my head about if God still acts like He did in the Old Testament and wipes people out for various
(albiet important) reasons. I wonder.

but enough glass half-empty crap. well, enough writing about it anyways. I'll probably still be thinking about it all for a few more days, I don't forsee these thoughts going away anytime soon. but whatever. at least the sun keeps rising. that's cool.  ¶ 3/30/2007 11:29:00 PM 1 comments

  The Independent Man I got a Rhode Island phone number tonight. I switched my cell phone over from a 817 area code--the only area code I've ever had--to a 401. This is a big step. I can't believe it just happened.

Anyways, next step I suppose is getting rid of the Texas plates on my car. But that might be a little costly. It would mean all sorts of address changes and forms and costs. It's expensive to live in Rhode Island.

So maybe I'll let those plates sit as they are for now.  ¶ 3/27/2007 11:40:00 PM 2 comments

    ¶ 3/25/2007 05:00:00 PM 0 comments

  ten bucks if you can predict where this post is going to wind up going after the first paragraph. Well Larry "Bud" Melman died. He was one humorous fellow. But what about 'Manny the Hippie'?

I'm a huge Letterman fan, but I'll admit I haven't watched him much lately. In fact hardly at all. It's on so late! 11:30! And I have to be up like normal people! Every day! It's tough, because I find Dave to be sooooooo funny.

But I'm surviving.

Work, however, is getting to be pretty intense. In good ways, but I am really busy. I have accepted the nomination to hold an officer position in an organization for work. I am also just continuing more and more in the work ahead for disaster planning here in RI. But there is so much work to be done, and so much responsibility we have undertaken. This year is going to be tough, and I have a feeling I am going to have to prove myself on several occasions.

Of course if the going gets too tough, the Canadian border is just a few hours away. just kidding.


I've begin to recently really notice the view of Providence coming from the East. Whether it's driving in on 195 or being on the East Bay Bike Path, the view of the city is really spectacular. The buildings, highlighted by the amazing art deco Bank of America building. I wish I could find a good picture to illustrate my point. How about this one from the Richard Benjamin (not the actor) collection. Not the best to describe what I was thinking, but it'll work. But like today I was driving in from a Target run during my lunch hour and I was looking in at the city, and thinking about what it would look like if all the buildings--as beautiful and complete as they seemed today in their Wednesday normalcy--were being destroyed. Like explosions and fires and smoke and large holes all throughout them, under a blood red sky. Apocolyptic-Revelation- Fight Club-style. It was such a cool image in my mind. And...I don't know where it came from.

so I've been listening to WOXY vinatage radio station streaming online at work this week. "97x BAAAAMMMM. THE FUTURE OF ROCK 'N' ROLL." Anyone out there hear me on that? Rain Man? come on, surely you've seen Rain Man. 97x baaaaammmm. No? Well WOXY was a rock station out of Ohio that would always play the best rock of the time. Still does. Now it's purely online and while they play modern rock, they also have a streaming vintage station. everything from Velvet Underground to REM, Butthole Surfers and Radiohead to Tori Amos and Guided By Voices and Depech Mode and The Cranberrie's ("Here's a hit you may remember...") and the list goes on. I like to imagine I'm a few years older when I listen to it, a true Gen X-er. Living in San Francisco. Having memorized the entire script to 'Reality Bites.' It's not the music I've been listening to in the real world, but for background music at work it's been pretty cool.

ok, it never fails. I always lose a sock when I do the laundry. What's up? I know I should be ridiculed for bringing this up, after all this is a minor issue in the grand scale of things. I mean, the freakin' Marshall Islands ran out of water today. What??? Talk about the need for all-hazards disaster planning.

Haha, Richard Benjamin. I don't even know who he was other than an actor. My little bro and I used to make fun of him growing up simply because he had a first name for a last name. We were young, we didn't know any better.

Hey I found out yesterday that there's a judge in Providence named Jeremiah S. Jeremiah. No foolin'. If there's anything Ben and I need to make fun of, it's that name!

I should call Ben up and tell him. After I IMDB Richard Benjamin and see who the heck he is. (30 seconds later). Oh. he's the guy who directed 'Made in America.' That movie where Ted Danson romanced Whoopi Goldberg.

that's unfortunate.

  ¶ 3/21/2007 09:29:00 PM 2 comments

  sometimes God just moves, and He does it while you are doing the strangest things. like tonight, I was ironing pants and listening to a podcast. and then I was sitting on my floor eating a sugar free Vanilla Jello pudding snack. and then I was laying on my floor in awe of so much. and then I was writing in my journal. and then I was talking to a friend over myspace IM and we were sharing in the mutual experiences re:God and mercy and love.

and you know what? I am so overwhelmed and so happy right now that...it deemed worthy enough of sharing with those I love out there. and anyone else who might stumble along and read this.

right on. Jeremiah 29:14. thank you!  ¶ 3/19/2007 10:05:00 PM 2 comments

  Finding Neverland My last entry talked about my first day at work and how it was totally worth it despite all the mess going on internally. I wish the rest of the week was like that Monday afternoon, but it wasn't. In fact it pretty much sucked all week long. Even yesterday as we had our annual conference down in Newport it still was a very unnerving day. I mainly did the support staff role and tried to help out and keep busy wherever I could. It was between that and sitting around gossiping with the ladies. Pretty easy choice to make.

But man was Newport beautiful. Still a little cold on Friday, but the water below the Cliffwalk was so quiet and still. I snuck outside for about half an hour and went down and sat on the cliff overlooking the water, listening to the seagulls and watching them float through the air around me. That time alone was worth the trip to Newport. I mean, I got more out of watching the water and the birds and just being still then I did out of anything else from last week. So that was nice.

Looking forward to Monday and hopefully continuing to move forward at work and working every day to improve as much as I can with my job and do the best I can at this stage. Hey, it can only get better, right? My spirit is far from being crushed. My mind--well that might be a different issue.
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I picked up the special edition DVD of Disney's Peter Pan at Target this week and watched it this morning. I must have watched this movie a hundred times growing up, but I forgot what a really funny movie it was. And also what a racist movie it was.
And what an attractive character Wendy was. Not the animation, but the characterization. Man when she gets jealous at Peter for Indian kissing Tiger-Lilly! When she mothers the Lost Boys. When she's flying with Peter around Neverland and just soaking it all in. I need to find me a Wendy.

Yes, I know how pathetic a statement that was. But watch the movie again and tell me if you don't agree with me.

I feel obligated to write now just to let you know that I didn't sit around and dream of Wendy Darling all day, the afternoon was spent having a few of the guys over and watching 'Jackass 2' and laughing our darned heads off. We ate cheap Goya frozen taquitos and Nate drank the rest of the strawberry milk he had left over at my apartment earlier in the week. Straight from the carton. Like there's any other way.

There, see. I'm not that different from you! Stop looking at me that way!  ¶ 3/10/2007 05:28:00 PM 0 comments

  This is what I love about my work Just a few years out of college (okay well 1.5 years) and I'm sitting in planning meetings at the state level. No direct input from Josh today, sure, but that's not the point. The point is that I am there and I was asked to be there. And I have a role and I know my role.

Now I have to fulfill my role (gulp).

Cue sleepless nights!

Internal organizational mess' be forgotten, this is what I love about my work. And it helps me put things in perspective. Reinforces the reminders as to why I do this work, what I get out of it. But I guess I can't forget the internal mess' too long, which is unfortunate. But it's all a work in progress, regardless of the direction.  ¶ 3/05/2007 05:00:00 PM 0 comments

  '...worst comes to worst...' My thirteen months as a VISTA expired on Friday afternoon to absolutely no fan fair. Well I take that back; it did stop raining about the time I left the office. Don't get me wrong, the last thing I wanted (or expected) was fan fair or any recognition, but it was weird that on Friday I left my desk and I was an AmeriCorps VISTA making about $3/hr and in the morning I will arrive back at the office doing pretty much the same work only as a full-time salaried employee.

While the money does take a certain precedent in my mind (mainly finally paying off my credit cards) what has the main focus of my mind tonight is the actual work. After the incident last week I have been very nervous about starting work this week. After all if anything it illustrated how unstable perhaps our leadership is during this time of transition, as we are searching for a new director. And it added fire to a concern I really had not put too much weight into, that being the fact that I do not have a direct supervisor right now. So it has been primarily up to me to be crafting my work plan, my job description, and to put any thoughts into my work plan for the next year. Of course there has been input from our board president and our interim director, but we tend to see things differently. My thinking tends to be more focused along how to do the work to best serve the people and accomplish the work, while their thoughts tend to be more focused on what would be best for the organization. My motivation is the work and not so much the organization (although of course I do support our organization); theirs is a mix of both, however definitely with the organization as their primary motivating factor.

So am I excited to start this new chapter? Yes and no. No because it doesn't really feel like it's a new chapter starting right now. It feels like in many ways I have been there already and am just doing it now for more money. And yeah, I'll probably have a little more influence. But something just isn't settling right.

So I think I'm about at the point where I just try and forget it, get a good night's sleep, and just go to work and do the job. After all, what else can I do right now? That's what I thought.

A few months ago in a small group with some people from Ren we were talking about labor and it was the opinion of my friend Joel that we work in heaven. He suggested that we work and we enjoy it more than anything we could ever experience on Earth. He said something to the effect that work in heaven is what we so long for in our hearts on Earth but maybe never fully recognize enough to perform. I thought about his thoughts in the concept of who he is, a recent RISD graduate who majored in Industrial Design and works with his hands, making furniture
(and the occasional musical instrument for his friends).

I thought about what I was doing, in this crazy field of disasters, focusing on worst-case scenarios and planning and working with disaster volunteers who give so much to the well being of one another, friend and stranger. I thought of why I do it, and how I look at it as public service and that I find my joy in that cause.

I don't know what life has in store for me, but as I set out now a little over a year into my career and a few hours away from starting my first "real" job in it I'm just trying to focus on those aspects of it; not on organizations or jurisdictions or employee struggles or even paychecks. That's not where my heart is. That's not why I am here, at this place in life.

And as much as I look forward to retirement and exploring the U.S. from behind the windshield of a R.V. , in my heart I kind of hope that Joel is right.

Isaiah 55:2.  ¶ 3/04/2007 08:54:00 PM 1 comments