never alone/sleeping under the stars it's a relationship. it's a commitment to one another. it's not a solo endeavour, and it's not all about you. it's not about going to movies or eating meals together. when you're in a relationship with someone, and they call your phone, and you chose not to answer, then how do you feel? guilty? if you care about the person, then the answer is probably a strong "yes." and life is not the same until you correct that issue.

sometimes I wonder if I'm a masochist, if I enjoy feeling lost so much, because I know that God will eventually be back, and it will be great. is that part of my free will?

maybe it's the humidity. or maybe it's just...me.


I'm tired and I'm listening to Tom Petty, the slow stuff. bad nights take forever/good nights never seem to last.

not what I should be doing.

I've been listening to The Beatles all day in the car, but not Let It Be. Now I kinda wish that I was. I also kinda wish I could throw away all my music and my movies and start fresh. I keep thinking someday.

Someday sucks.

I need to go pray.  ¶ 6/28/2007 11:13:00 PM 0 comments

  at times the quiet was nice I just drove back home from the Armory, up Smith Street and past the capitol, all lit up. Inside the state legislature is working on approving the fiscal budget. It's crunch time on Capitol Hill; the news trucks are all parked up and down the road, antennas lifted high in the night sky.

Just another cool experience of living in Providence. I should be completely out of my apartment by tomorrow; I'm going to miss Smith Hill if only because of the cool drive/walk home, especially at night, from the East Side. Up past the historic State House, the seat of Democracy. The seat of democracy for Rhode Island. And it's not so much the seat of "democracy" as the seat of "Rhode Island Democracy." There's a difference. But I digress. My point was that at night the lights look cool.

I'm moving into my new apartment tomorrow, over on the much louder/livelier west side. We don't have internet, and I don't know when we're going to get it. And this weekend and the early part of next week is so busy that it might be a while before I have time to check in online.

In a way I'm nervous. But then again, I'm kind of looking forward to it. (I'm talking about about everything).

But hey, here goes nothin'. Peace out playaz...  ¶ 6/15/2007 09:43:00 PM 0 comments

  what? last night I drank a large glass (more of a cup) of red wine and then went down to see Willie Nelson with my friends Jen and Kim. Jen and I had a couple beers at the show. I don't even know why I'm writing this. It was a interesting night. I might have blogged about it when I got back last night. I'm just now remembering that. Yikes.

Work, man. I don't even know what to say. This week has been just all over the place. Work has been so confusing and stressful. I take that back...my job has been so confusing and stressful. The individual project that is my responsibility is going fine. It's the surroundings that are so intense. We had a staff "retreat" down in Narragansett today. It was...well it was. That's all I'm going to say about that right now.

Also I've been moving and assembling furniture all week, it's a long process. I hope to be out of my apt. and in over on the westside by Saturday night. All day Sunday--Tuesday I'm working at a golf tournament, so I'll be pretty much out of commission. But I should have Thursday and Friday off from work, which will give me the proper settling in time at the apartment. I have a bed frame and most of my furniture, but I don't have a mattress yet. Don't know when I'm going to get around to that.

josh out.  ¶ 6/14/2007 09:28:00 PM 0 comments

  Texas WILLIE NELSON.

It doesn't get any better. Even that last sentence is an understatement. For this Texas boy living here in Rhode Island, seeing a Willie Nelson concert up here is surreal. It's more than surreal. It's transplendant. Hahaha.

Ok, maybe it's the wine. Or the beer. Or a combination of the two and the giant Texas flag, and the amazing guitar solos. Or that voice.

It was when he broke into 'Me and Bobby McGee' that it came across that this was an amazing show. I mean, sure going to 'Help Me Make It Through the Night' early on was a great move. And then 'Angel Falling Too Close to the Ground' dropped me to the floor. It was just perfection. Better than the recordings. Better.

The Bass Hall--Fort Worth, TX
Texas Tech University--Lubbock, TX
Billy Bobs--Fort Worth, TX
ACL Fest--Austin, TX
Providence Performing Arts Center--Providence, RI

Maybe there was another one. I honestly can't recall at this point!!!

A work in progress...
  ¶ 6/13/2007 11:07:00 PM 0 comments

  I'm going to Haiti this summer, the first week of August. It will be my first venture into international missions. Missions is about serving others as Christ served. I'm still young in my understanding, but that's how I see the importance of life as a whole. How we serve others, physically as well as in our heart. It's the spirit as much as it is the actions.
We had our first team meeting tonight. It was very, very exciting. We'll be meeting every week for the next 8 weeks leading up to the trip. I can't wait. That's all for now.
Collossians 3:17: "And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus...."

this is my current challenge. I pray it's my lifelong challenge for my daily existence.  ¶ 6/12/2007 10:46:00 PM 0 comments

    ¶ 6/11/2007 10:16:00 PM 0 comments

  josh is...busy Friday night Tom and Jess and Nate and Evan and I ate some pizza and watched 'Airplane'. That was fun. Wednesday I moved all morning, I helped Cliff try and break into his truck after locking his keys inside, and then we spent over 4 hours in IKEA. We got back around 9:30 and by the time we unpacked and made some grub it was 10:15 and we started assembling furniture until it got to be too loud. Then I turned into an old man and crashed.
Sunday I went to church around 10, had meetings for westside arts all afternoon, went back and continued assembling furniture, then went back for a westside arts movie night. We showed The Devil and Daniel Johnston and hung out until around 11. Then I came back to the apt. and talked with Evan and Mike until around 1 am.

Today was a long day at work, and then after work I had to drive down to New Haven to pick something up that IKEA wouldn't ship to me. The drive was nice, sure nice to drive for longer than a 10 minute increment of time, but tiring by the way home. Tomorrow is a busy day at work, and all night I have the first meeting with the team I am going to Haiti with in August. Wednesday it's work all day and then possibly a Willie Nelson concert. I'm going to try and get cheap tickets right before the show starts. Because, hey, Willie only comes around Rhode Island every once in a while! All day Thursday we have a staff "retreat" (see The Beach episode of The Office only with all women and Josh...ugh...although one less woman b/c today one was fired...drama at work is so lame. I just have to keep focusing on my work. Gotta keep telling myself that.)

Then I have to continue moving, need to be out of my apartment by the weekend. And I have to buy a mattress. And starting Sunday I'm coordinating a team of volunteers for a 3-Day golf tournament.

And then, maybe one day next week, I might get to sit down and watch a movie with friends again. I like that.

I also liked leaving Rhode Island tonight. Every time I seem to do that it's so...refreshing.  ¶ 6/11/2007 10:03:00 PM 0 comments

  Getting too old for this $#!@ I'm an old man. I'm tired. I spent 4 hours in Ikea today. I started to put together furniture after getting back to the new apt.--I'm moving by the way--but after about 45 minutes I just said forget it. It's 11:00. I'm tired. I worked all week, I've been sick. And I've been moving all day. Well now that I write it all down, maybe it's legit that I'm so tired right now. But still...I dunno. I stopped regular exercise about a month and a half ago, and I've felt so lazy ever since.

But maybe things are changing. I'm expecting big things out of this move, personally. It might just be one of the best things to happen to me since coming to Providence. But we can discuss that later. Man, I gotta crash.  ¶ 6/09/2007 11:30:00 PM 0 comments

  we're all in our own LA I subscribe to emusic to legally download music. it's a far cry from itunes as far as mainstream music and availability goes, however every once in a while there are some real gems that come through. most of the music I have downloaded over the past year has really expanded my horizons. Everything from Daniel Johnston to Kelly Willis to Elliot Smith and Aimee Mann and Cat Power and some old Willie demos and Danielson, Badly Drawn Boy, Gillian Welch, Patty Griffin, M. Ward, Matisyahu, Robert Earl Keen, Sufjan, Ray Charles, Chet Baker...(btw if you read this and decide to subscribe to emuisc yourself please let me know...I get a discount for recommending people!).

Last night I went to see the film 'Knocked Up.' I had thought about it in the swell of good reviews last Friday and Saturday, and then Sunday after hearing personal reviews from friends I thought I'd just pass on it, but then spur of the moment my roommate asked if I wanted to go with him, and so what the hey. And yeah, it didn't suck. Much funnier than The 40-Year Old Virgin, in my opinion, but nothing to really write home about. And so you know...I won't. But one thing that did stand out to me was the great music, performed mostly by Loudon Wainwright III. He was a name I had heard and seen from time to time, but I wasn't really familiar with his stuff.

And so here's the tie-in. On a whim I decided to dial up the emusic after getting home to see if by some off chance the soundtrack album (actually a "Music Written For and Inspired By...") was avaliable, and sure enough there it was hidden away. The whole album was Loudon and man it's really mellow and ironic and cool. The first song is a track called 'Grey in LA' and it might have just become one of my favorite songs.

"When it's gray in L.A.", I sure like it that way 'cause there's way too much sunshine round here."

The lyrics only get better. I'll have to upload it for ya'll to hear. Or you could...  ¶ 6/08/2007 06:18:00 PM 0 comments

  seersucker mahonesa I bought some seersucker shorts at Target last weekend and I've been sleeping/lounging around in them all week. It's awesome.

I have a summer cold. Not awesome.

I've been busy at work. Growing more professional by the day. Judgment yet to be determined.

I'm slowly reading this book about the Chicago Heat Wave of 1995. So many people died. Alone. In crowded apartments, littered with junk. With expired mayonnaise in their fridge.

I was making a turkey sandwich this morning to take for lunch to work when I decided to check the expiration date on my own bottle. It read : NOV 06.

I threw it away, only having spread mayo on one slice of the sandwich.

Thinking...positively.  ¶ 6/07/2007 10:31:00 PM 0 comments

  Tourist/Hurricane Season Well Memorial Day usually officially kicks off tourist season in the USA. Which means somewhere in the palm trees Skip Wiley is cursing.

And yesterday was the official start of Hurricane Season, and we're already onto the B's with TD Barry out there. NPR said earlier that it's expected to be off SC tomorrow and then in New England by Monday. And that right there is what makes myself and my colleagues nervous: the speed of these things once they bounce off the barrier islands of the Carolinas is simply terrifying.

Drove around Providence today, walked through my new neighborhood. It's hot and humid outside today, which sucks. But it brings out life in the city, which makes me smile. But speaking of tourists, I think I got called one by one of the hipsters in the Armory district as I
walked past their garage sale. Maybe it's time to reconsider my wardrobe. I've said it before, it's a fine line I walk between Professional Josh/Casual Josh/ and just being myself. But I'm working on it.

After all, I'm 25 now.  ¶ 6/02/2007 01:08:00 PM 0 comments