Monday, January 23, 2006
sometimes you can't make it on your own.
"The very first night of the show, between dress and air, Chevy and I went down and had a cup of coffee at Hurley's bar downstairs. And Chevy said, 'What's going to happen to me?' Because it was a big moment, you know, for all those people. He says, 'Where am I going to go from here?' I said, 'You'll probably end up hosting a talk show.' I was kidding. But it's strange, you know. He wasn't frightened--but very curious. And it was like an empty vista out there. The interesting part of it for me is that even before the first live show, he was already thinking about what the next step was."--Herb Sargent, writer for SNL, from the book Live From New York. I start training tomorrow for my year of service. Everyone has told that it's all trivial paperwork and snoozer information sessions but I can't help but want to be taking it seriously. Mainly because I have never made a commitment like this before. It's just sinking in what I have committed to and what I am doing here. Slowly, everyday, something happens that make me think along those lines. I've been living a pretty normal life since arriving in Rhode Island a few weeks ago...going out to dinners, chilling at coffee shops, going to movies, attending meetings. I have a supermarket card, I've been to Target a dozen times. Almost as normal a life as I've ever lived...except I'm half a country away from my family. Man.
You know what? I never took Boy Scouts serious. I've been thinking a lot about that lately, I don't know why. Maybe because I realize it would have been pretty cool to have made it to Eagle Scouts.
As I stay indoors and avoid the snow and the cold that I have been watching outside my windows certain things have been sinking in and crossing my mind. It started when I turned on the TV a few hours ago and caught the President in the middle of a question and answer session out in Kansas. I found myself captivated by his answers (eventually I began to just ignore the questions being asked and focused on just him). And for a while I thought I might actually like him...and part of me does (Of course I'd never vote for him). I'm just not exactly sure what part it is that brings out that certain feeling. Something in there though...maybe it's because I associate him with dozens of men I knew growing up. Good men. Smart men, God-fearing men. Sometimes the strangest things evoke feelings of home. And yes, I know, indirectly he will be my boss for the next year. I am fully aware of that. Just another of the many reasons why I am so proud to be an American citizen.
I've digressed from my initial point of where in the midst of all these thoughts have been where this whole year might take me and what I want as goals for life and for next year. Part of me really wants to focus on this issue while another part tells me not to put too much effort into it. In the Bible we have verses like Phillipians 3:14, which was ingrained to us good church goers for our entire life. However just today I discovered verse 16, which adds on..."Only let us live up to what we have already attained." I'm trying to decipher that in my mind right now, what that could mean in my life. For this life anyways.
In an article I was reading about the Dali Lama I was reminded of the central ideas of reincarnation in Tibetan Buddhist beliefs. "The very purpose of reincarnation is to carry my task forward," His Holiness says.
I guess this rambling needs to tie together somehow. So as I face this next year, what should I be thinking about? One paycheck lasting until the other one comes through? Furthering my education and fulfilling the requirements of my job? Finding a mate to share this world with? Global warming? What will I be doing when it's over--go back to school, find another job, move to the wilds of Wyoming and live a solitary existence and try to find peace with the world? Or maybe my thoughts should just be on surviving the year in one piece? You can believe that I'll be thinking about all of these things, and many more. In between mindlessly numbing myself with television and the internet, of course.
So...here I go. Long entry. I still am thinking about tomorrow and meeting people and being sworn in (we get sworn in...maybe that's where the Boy Scout thoughts are coming in). I want to take this year seriously and also I want to thoroughly enjoy it. I want to challenge myself (which I guess I already am doing) and I want to make progress both in my life and in the life of the work I will be doing. I am putting all these thoughts down both to get them off my chest and also as a future reminder when things get a little more settled. The thing about finding solid ground is that you never know what's going to be greeting you (in any direction) when you take another step.
Update 6:30pm: I was just packing my bag and listening to some Willie when it hit me: this week isn't about impressions. This year isn't about making superficial impressions. Life shouldn't be about that...ever. This is about something much larger--much greater--than what I have. It's about what I am...who I am, and who I have the ability to be. It's about what I have to give--and receive.
¶ 1/23/2006 03:09:00 PM
You know what? I never took Boy Scouts serious. I've been thinking a lot about that lately, I don't know why. Maybe because I realize it would have been pretty cool to have made it to Eagle Scouts.
As I stay indoors and avoid the snow and the cold that I have been watching outside my windows certain things have been sinking in and crossing my mind. It started when I turned on the TV a few hours ago and caught the President in the middle of a question and answer session out in Kansas. I found myself captivated by his answers (eventually I began to just ignore the questions being asked and focused on just him). And for a while I thought I might actually like him...and part of me does (Of course I'd never vote for him). I'm just not exactly sure what part it is that brings out that certain feeling. Something in there though...maybe it's because I associate him with dozens of men I knew growing up. Good men. Smart men, God-fearing men. Sometimes the strangest things evoke feelings of home. And yes, I know, indirectly he will be my boss for the next year. I am fully aware of that. Just another of the many reasons why I am so proud to be an American citizen.
I've digressed from my initial point of where in the midst of all these thoughts have been where this whole year might take me and what I want as goals for life and for next year. Part of me really wants to focus on this issue while another part tells me not to put too much effort into it. In the Bible we have verses like Phillipians 3:14, which was ingrained to us good church goers for our entire life. However just today I discovered verse 16, which adds on..."Only let us live up to what we have already attained." I'm trying to decipher that in my mind right now, what that could mean in my life. For this life anyways.
In an article I was reading about the Dali Lama I was reminded of the central ideas of reincarnation in Tibetan Buddhist beliefs. "The very purpose of reincarnation is to carry my task forward," His Holiness says.
I guess this rambling needs to tie together somehow. So as I face this next year, what should I be thinking about? One paycheck lasting until the other one comes through? Furthering my education and fulfilling the requirements of my job? Finding a mate to share this world with? Global warming? What will I be doing when it's over--go back to school, find another job, move to the wilds of Wyoming and live a solitary existence and try to find peace with the world? Or maybe my thoughts should just be on surviving the year in one piece? You can believe that I'll be thinking about all of these things, and many more. In between mindlessly numbing myself with television and the internet, of course.
So...here I go. Long entry. I still am thinking about tomorrow and meeting people and being sworn in (we get sworn in...maybe that's where the Boy Scout thoughts are coming in). I want to take this year seriously and also I want to thoroughly enjoy it. I want to challenge myself (which I guess I already am doing) and I want to make progress both in my life and in the life of the work I will be doing. I am putting all these thoughts down both to get them off my chest and also as a future reminder when things get a little more settled. The thing about finding solid ground is that you never know what's going to be greeting you (in any direction) when you take another step.
Update 6:30pm: I was just packing my bag and listening to some Willie when it hit me: this week isn't about impressions. This year isn't about making superficial impressions. Life shouldn't be about that...ever. This is about something much larger--much greater--than what I have. It's about what I am...who I am, and who I have the ability to be. It's about what I have to give--and receive.
¶ 1/23/2006 03:09:00 PM
Comments:
<< Home
This is very interesting site... scott infiniti Store in style modular furniture
Post a Comment
# posted by 
: 6:51 AM
: 6:51 AM<< Home
