False Skyscrapers/Morning shadows I hope no one reads this. (pause) That just had to come out first. Blogs are so very strange, I don't know of any blog entry I have made that I have not gone back and edited or have thought about well in advance of writing it down. (pause) I just had to say that next.

Yesterday two of my closest, oldest friends in the world Tyler and Allison were married. It was a great night and everyone had a fun time celebrating their love and their future. It was an eclectic mix of family (his from all over Texas, hers from Long Island and elsewhere around New York) and friends and it went off without a hitch (except when the ministers robe almost lit on fire from a candle on the ground behind him). Laughter, tears, toasts, hugs. And dancing. Lots of pathetic dancing, and I opted out of almost all of it. I spent most of the night sitting back and watching everyone have a fun time, although I still was enjoying myself immensely. I have come to the conclusion in my life that I have more fun observing that I ever do participating, especially when it involves things kids my age usually do to socialize. After the happy couple departed in a handsome cab and we cleaned the place up a large section of us decided it was still early and that we needed to hit the square (we were in downtown Ft. Worth). Of course of all the places we wound up going again to The Library (see the definition of tool-box in the dictionary, it'll be the 3rd one down). And so yet again I found myself sitting back for most of the time, outside at a table with the seats around me changing numerous times with people from our party. I guess I could have been hitting on girls or trying to make new friends, but I didn't feel like it. I guess I could have tried to find common conversations even but no one really felt like it, as far as I could read the people around me. I hate a bar that plays house music, as this one does--and they play it loud--but we were able to hang out on a table outside so the noise was dissipated somewhat. But despite disliking the mes-en-scene the night felt so great outside that I could have cared less who or if I was talking with, if anyone at all. See I'm the kind of guy that if the temperature feels right, I don't care what else is going on around me. I don't need much else to make me happy. So from my eyes, it was a great night. Others around me I'm sure think I was dead weight and disliking everything, but that couldn't be further from the truth.

The night before was the rehearsal dinner and a few close knit of us shot down to Flying Saucer afterwards. That's a little more my speed, a corner table, a couch, good beer and good friends; if that's the scene I'll even settle for mundane conversation if necessary, which sometimes it is but not necessarily always the case. When we left the bar that night I turned to stare up at a building I have seen my entire life, and towering there in the partly-cloudy autumn night sky it looked like a hologram, a false creation. Temporal.
I'm listening to This American Life right now. It's better than just about any hour you could ever devote to television. Check out your local NPR station and find this show. You can even listen to their archive for free on their website. You will not regret taking time to listen--to become addicted--to this show.
So I'm in transition right now in life, and I don't quite understand my place. I don't understand where I fit in because it seems everywhere I go, everyone I spend time with, I'm just not right for the crowd or the situation. I'm just ready to go, to serve, to travel and don't look back for a good long while. And I mean that in the most respectful way possible. But while I'm not, despite not feeling as if I fit in where I might be used to or might expect to, there is an undying peace in my spirit that will not let anything get the best of me. The way I see it I went to bed around 3am Saturday morning to breaking news on CNN of a massive Earthquake striking Asia. Within hours the death toll would be estimated at 20,000 and growing. At the same time this number was growing I was fortunate to witness a father give away his daughter and an undying love of a growing family. Two contrasts and yet you can't forget either one. How can you not love life? Everything about it is so miraculous and so beautiful. And so tragic, which is all the more reason to love every second.
I crashed at a hotel downtown last night and awoke to walk through downtown to my car as the sun raised, causing shadows to crawl and dance along the buildings and through the corridors of the criss-crossed streets. It was the start to a new day. It was the start to a new week. The air was crisp.
Driving home the Coldplay song "Talk" came over the speakers.

'Are you lost or incomplete
Do you feel like a puzzle
You can't find your missing piece
Tell me how you feel
Well, I feel like they're talking in a language I don'’t speak
And they're talking it to me

So you take a picture of something you see
In the future where will I be
You could climb a ladder up to the sun
Or write a song nobody had sung
Or do something that'’s never been done

So you don't know where you're going
And you want to talk
And you feel like you're going where you've been before
You'll tell anyone who'll listen but you feel ignored
And nothing's really making any sense at all'

So that was my weekend. I just framed my diploma and I'm gonna go hang it on the wall now. Wait...did I just quote Coldplay?  ¶ 10/09/2005 12:23:00 PM