I'll let you know from the beginning, this is Draft #2.

This afternoon, having still not heard back from my prospective employer, and having grown bothered beyond belief by the pressurevfrom my grandparents to contact them yet again, I sent another “nagging” email to find out what I should be doing. This was despite my best convictions that I should give them yet another day because, well, it is the islands. I respect my grandparents and how they work through life, I really do, but I do feel in many areas of life they are really out of their element in regards to life down here. Island life is not island vacation life, and it’s not American life. I guess this can be summed up by a quote from Churchill I stumbled upon recently (via Alex Trebek) where the PM said something to the effect that anyone who’s not a liberal when they’re 20 has no heart and if they’re not a conservative by the time they’re 40 they have no brain. So I’m pretty sure it is the youth in me that is saying and feeling all this. It’s just like when my grandfather and I were walking the other day and he said he had assumed that if I were offered a job here after my internship (or anywhere for that matter) that I would take it because the Peace Corps is voluntary. I don’t know why he thinks that, because I can’t see anything from getting in the way of not going in January. For me the Peace Corps is not an excuse not to work, nor is it something I’m doing simply because I don’t know what I want to do for my immediate future; what it is to me is an excuse to serve. That is what I feel I have been led to do with my life in my immediate future.

I know they just want the best for me, and I see us not agreeing on this in the near future, but that’s okay. I love them like I love no other people on Earth, and I know it’s vice versa, and they just want the best for me in my life; and again vice versa. And the thing is they're probably right, having like fifty years more life experience than me; but again, I'm young and more than likely pretty stupid. I know also that my family reads this, but that's just fine.

I had been writing on a story idea I’ve been working on when Grandaddy approached me again about not hearing back yet, but after sending the e-mail I really didn’t have the creative juices to write anymore. So I sat back in my rocking chair and tried just listening to my music and watch the ocean, but I just felt like an old man rocking his life away. So I listened to the youth in me again and walked over to the back wall and jumped over, where I just climbed down and sat on the rocks for a while and turned up my music and just let the waves make everything all right. The rocks felt much better that the comfortable chair, and the ocean seemed more alive than from up on the porch.

So I sat there for a while and calmed myself down. I would like to start working soon, if only to get away from the house during the days. But I know it will happen when it happens. Again, I’m young, and I’m naive. But I think I found a new favorite seat on this Earth of ours.

So how gay am I for, as I was sitting out there on the rock, actually trying to compare aspects of my life to the lyrics of a Lisa Loeb song? On that note, how gay am I for having Lisa Loeb on my mp3 player? Well I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, it’s her glasses that do it for me. I guess I just need find a girlfriend; then I wouldn’t need this damn blog.

¶ 6/16/2005 10:52:00 PM