Chapter 25
Day 1
Technically, the year of service starts as soon as you are sworn in as a VISTA, although in reality we all didn't start work until at least today. So I slept last night, solid. I can't remember a night before I started something big (like a new school semester or a new job) ever passing by so smoothly. But I threw in my DVD of the first season of
Scrubs and watched a few episodes, had a few laughs, and then just rolled over and closed my eyes. No tossing and turning, just sleep. I woke up around 7:30 energized and in an hour found myself on the way to work. In the future maybe I'll wake up earlier and jog or something, but not when it's below freezing.
Then today was my first day of work at the
Volunteer Center. Trevor threw in the new
Belle and Sebastian album although it doesn't drop until next week--excellent. Lynn and Barbara (it's an office of women in a field of mainly women--nice odds? Not at work, they're all married...but elsewhere...) took us to a small itallian place on the hill that played nothing but Sinatra. Working on Federal Hill is great. Sometime around 3:00 today I started to realize that I just might be able to survive this year all right. That was as I was on my way downstairs to make a delivery, where I got lost and spent half an hour circiling a same ten block radius in East Providence.
I just have to interrupt to say that NBC News just reported that Exxon is reporting 10.71 billion dollars in profit for last quarter. Largest ever for a coorporation. A quick Google search tells me 64 US soldiers died in Iraq this month. I hate this war.Anyways, I digress. My day went well, I have some reading to do regarding a few meetings I have tomorrow.
10.71 billion profit and the average heating bills increase across America by the double digits!
Well I guess I'm going to go make some Ramen. It's the only proper meal to scarf down as I conclude my first day as a VISTA. Maybe I'll sneak in some saltines. Store brand, of course. Of course!
Year of the Dog, represent!
My brother back in Texas has been struggling over the past few months with his job and his school and trying to find what direction to take in life
(sounds familiar). However he just in the past two weeks acquired a job working for a Texas musician named Larry Joe Taylor that will enable him to travel to concerts and see how the music business really works. If you knew my brother, you would know that this seems like the perfect fit for what he was looking for in his life. Ben just turned 20. He starts his job on Monday. I start my job also tomorrow. Very interesting how the world works.
Today is the first Day of the Lunar New Year, the Chinese Year of the Dog. This is my birth year, so let me share a few things I found about those of us born in the Year of the Dog:
The Dog is a giving, compassionate personality. He offers kind words, support and advice to friends and family. He is a listener, always available to lend an ear or a shoulder to a friend in need. Often Dogs know more about their friends than their friends know about them or even themselves! Dogs are incredibly attentive. Sometimes though, Dogs should pay more attention to their own needs. In private, many Dog people worry a lot.
Dogs can be a bit overwhelming, due in part to their attentive natures. They can march in and take control of a situation, even when it doesn’t involve them directly. This can lead people to think Dogs are nosy or gossipy, but in reality, he just means well. Money and status don’t matter to the Dog. He is more concerned with the welfare of his family and friends and will do whatever it takes to help them out of a tight squeeze or a rough spot. Once Dogs determine a subject of interest, they usually master that before taking off for a new adventure. They like to finish what they start. They are honest and trustworthy people, ethically strong and morally kept. They make loyal friends and companions.
THE WATER DOG 1922 AND 1982
These Dogs have great foresight and are well-educated on many different things. This quality helps them appreciate other points of view, making them quite flexible and liberal. They are easygoing, but this can cause them to be too spendthrift with money and less loyal with friends. Still, because of their flexible natures and their ability to appreciate difference, these Dogs always have friends and are usually popular people.
(Sounds familiar)
Back from Delaware now; not going to write about PSO right now 'cause I be tired but I just have to throw out: how great is
Keep on Rockin' In the Free World?
sometimes you can't make it on your own.
"The very first night of the show, between dress and air, Chevy and I went down and had a cup of coffee at Hurley's bar downstairs. And Chevy said, 'What's going to happen to me?' Because it was a big moment, you know, for all those people. He says, 'Where am I going to go from here?' I said, 'You'll probably end up hosting a talk show.' I was kidding. But it's strange, you know. He wasn't frightened--but very curious. And it was like an empty vista out there. The interesting part of it for me is that even before the first live show, he was already thinking about what the next step was."--
Herb Sargent, writer for SNL, from the book
Live From New York. I start training tomorrow for my year of service. Everyone has told that it's all trivial paperwork and snoozer information sessions but I can't help but want to be taking it seriously. Mainly because I have never made a commitment like this before. It's just sinking in what I have committed to and what I am doing here. Slowly, everyday, something happens that make me think along those lines. I've been living a pretty normal life since arriving in Rhode Island a few weeks ago...going out to dinners, chilling at coffee shops, going to movies, attending meetings. I have a supermarket card, I've been to Target a dozen times. Almost as normal a life as I've ever lived...except I'm half a country away from my family. Man.
You know what? I never took Boy Scouts serious. I've been thinking a lot about that lately, I don't know why. Maybe because I realize it would have been pretty cool to have made it to Eagle Scouts.
As I stay indoors and avoid the snow and the cold that I have been watching outside my windows certain things have been sinking in and crossing my mind. It started when I turned on the TV a few hours ago and caught the President in the middle of a question and answer session out in Kansas. I found myself captivated by his answers (eventually I began to just ignore the questions being asked and focused on just him). And for a while I thought I might actually like him...and part of me does (Of course I'd never vote for him). I'm just not exactly sure what part it is that brings out that certain feeling. Something in there though...maybe it's because I associate him with dozens of men I knew growing up. Good men. Smart men, God-fearing men. Sometimes the strangest things evoke feelings of home. And yes, I know, indirectly he will be my boss for the next year. I am fully aware of that. Just another of the many reasons why I am so proud to be an American citizen.
I've digressed from my initial point of where in the midst of all these thoughts have been where this whole year might take me and what I want as goals for life and for next year. Part of me really wants to focus on this issue while another part tells me not to put too much effort into it. In the Bible we have verses like Phillipians 3:14, which was ingrained to us good church goers for our entire life. However just today I discovered verse 16, which adds on..."Only let us live up to what we have already attained." I'm trying to decipher that in my mind right now, what that could mean in my life. For this life anyways.
In an article I was reading about the Dali Lama I was reminded of the central ideas of reincarnation in Tibetan Buddhist beliefs. "The very purpose of reincarnation is to carry my task forward," His Holiness says.
I guess this rambling needs to tie together somehow. So as I face this next year, what should I be thinking about? One paycheck lasting until the other one comes through? Furthering my education and fulfilling the requirements of my job? Finding a mate to share this world with? Global warming? What will I be doing when it's over--go back to school, find another job, move to the wilds of Wyoming and live a solitary existence and try to find peace with the world? Or maybe my thoughts should just be on surviving the year in one piece? You can believe that I'll be thinking about all of these things, and many more. In between mindlessly numbing myself with television and the internet, of course.
So...here I go. Long entry. I still am thinking about tomorrow and meeting people and being sworn in (we get sworn in...maybe that's where the Boy Scout thoughts are coming in). I want to take this year seriously and also I want to thoroughly enjoy it. I want to challenge myself (which I guess I already am doing) and I want to make progress both in my life and in the life of the work I will be doing. I am putting all these thoughts down both to get them off my chest and also as a future reminder when things get a little more settled. The thing about finding solid ground is that you never know what's going to be greeting you (in any direction) when you take another step.
Update 6:30pm: I was just packing my bag and listening to some Willie when it hit me: this week isn't about impressions. This year isn't about making superficial impressions. Life shouldn't be about that...ever. This is about something much larger--much greater--than what I have. It's about what I am...who I am, and who I have the ability to be. It's about what I have to give--and receive.
Yank it like you're starting a lawn mower.
This may sound funny and morbidly erie (esp. for one who is alone on a Saturday night) but I began to put into words thoughts I have been messing around with over the past few months as pertaining to a living will. Of course the whole Terry Schiavo mess last summer made me aware of the need to do so (not that I am expecting anything to happen to me, mind you...I believe I am in fine shape if I do say so myself) but it is such a drag to think about.
But I suppose it should be necessary and I don't want a muck to be occuring between my family when a time should come that it be needed. So I am in the process of putting into words what should happen to me if I ever become...well, you know.
My point of telling you though is that as I was writing it down using MS Word grammar check caught a sentence I wrote down that ended with the phrase "...I want my life to be terminated." However, grammar check underlined the last word of
terminated and suggested that instead of using a period that I should use a question mark and end the sentence as
I want my life to be terminated?
Is grammar check is trying to keep me in check? It made me almost laugh out loud, like Saturday Night Live is doing right now. Because Lord knows when you're writing your will you should be keeping a positive spin on the rest of life that's happening around you. So off I go back into the night to ponder my own mortality while at the same time holding onto reality by laughing at mildy funny topical humor. Pretty much the same thing I do every night, actually.
AS220; retribution. (or "That had not occured to us Dude")
Yesterday Jen and Audra mentioned something about going to
AS220 tonight. They know another VISTA who works there and so I figured why not. So Jen and I tried to go there tonight. It's downtown and seems really cool...just not tonight. Art oriented, very mixed crowd (think Austin reduced to within a building or two). They were having an open house to celebrate the opening of a new resturant inside. They promised free food. It was really crowded, and we kinda felt strange not knowing anyone. Like most every other social event I have attended in my life, organized and not. So after about ten minutes we left and grabbed a bite with Ariel over on the East Side. I had falafel. It was good.
Speaking of falafel, this afternoon I walked downtown and saw
Munich. I know all about the controversy and historical fiction elements but all that aside, it is a very intense film because it is a very intesnse subject matter. Murder. Revenge. Retribution. Violence. Religion. Love. Death. All that is humanity, at our worst...and maybe, unfortunately our best.
But now I'm home, watching Lebowski. Ce la vie.
Raining sideways; listening to The Eagles; Regrets
It's raining sideways outside. The wind is wicked crazy today (like that
wicked?). I'm talking like 30-40 with 60 mph gusts, and we're in town. I can't imagine being out in the country or along the coast--it's supposed to be this way from Maine to Long Island today. I'd try and take a picture but the windows are covered with rain right now, so it might now turn out too good.
I was upstairs just now lifting some weights and what have you and I had my mp3 player on so I could block out the wind noise. Just by coincidence I had it cued up to playing The Eagles from yesterday. There are some songs that everytime I hear them they continue to amaze me, and
The Last Resort is one of them. It's just right on so many levels. Brilliant music. But before that came on I was laying on the floor staring at the ceiling (ten minutes of workout is killer) and
Peaceful, Easy Feeling came on. Man, damn that song. Everytime that song comes on I wind up thinking about a girl I once knew and should have known better, and it just kinda bums you out...but then not so much because you remember to have a peaceful, easy feeling about it all. But it still sucks.
Speaking of regrets, the UPS man just came by the door and I had the dumbest conversation with the guy.
Me: Man I can't believe you're out today. (thinking:
Idiot. They always go out).
UPS Guy: Yeah, don't have much of a choice you know?
Me: Yeah. (as he's walking off) Well good luck. (thinking:
Idiot. What does that even mean?)
Some people say that there's a woman to blame for all this. Could be...or could be the moron who parks on my street and honks his horn for fifteen minute intervals at a time. But I know...
I've been thinking a lot lately over the past few months about eventually spending some time in Japan.
Anyways...so I haven't started work yet--in fact I have another week until training in DE. Am I a bum for not doing much with my days? I don't know; I don't want to come off being a hermit, esp. to my new roommates--but I just don't have that much to do right now. It's kinda a lame excuse, I know but with everyone busy and me not so much, well I just feel like a bum.
It exists
Today I went to the coolest place. It's called Building 19 and they have everything on sale there. I went with Jen (a current VISTA working at VCRI who also just moved into my neighborhood) and her friend Ariel. I originally had told Jen I would help her move but she wound up not needing much help, but we hung out anyways and drove through the 'hood scoping out a tavern to try out...I mean...well, yeah. Anyways we decided to venture out to the Dollar General in Pawtucket but got sidetracked when we came upon Building 19. Ariel, who grew up in Providence, described it as a store that sells things that "fell off the truck." I asked her if that meant like
Goodfellas falling off the truck or just bulk items or what have you. I didn't get a precise answer but I'm sure it was all on the up and up. (When I got home and checked out their
website like the voice in the store told me too I found out it was a chain and so naturally I assume it's legit.) But the store was awesome...like part flea market, part SAMS Club, part I don't even know what. Just homey and ghetto and yet very cool. Everything from shampoo to C-grade candy to biographical comics of dead celebrities to duck boots and fertilizer and clothing and beds.
I bought some duck boots for cheap. I've always wanted duck boots. Now I have some. All thanks to Building 19. Next time I'm taking my camera.
Very nice.
It was a beautiful day in Providence today. So beautiful that I dragged my out of shape butt outside this afternoon for a quick jog around the neighborhood. And in doing so I learned what streets
NOT to wander down alone, no matter the time of day. Another day, another lesson. (I'm sure I'm overemphasizing here, but just in case I'll be finding other routes when the desire to jog arises again).
Back home it was unseasonably warm for winter (I'm talking 80's and beyond) but here this week it's also been unseasonably warm; however unseasonably warm for New England means mid 50's and sunshine. I'm talking shorts and long sleeve weather...at least for me. It's a great feeling.
I'm getting adjusted to the house. Since work doesn't start for another 12 days or so, it's really all I have to do with myself. Little things that make the day pass I guess, until I meet some people and/or become preoccupied with work.
One last note: I don't have cable in my room yet but my TV does pick up a few of the local channels and in watching the news last night, I see exactly what they are making fun of on
Family Guy. Yet another reason I think I just might like this place.
The Long and Winding Road
...that leads to Rhode Island. That's right, after much talk and much more procrastination, I have finally arrived in Providence. It's a new year, a new city, a new life for your dashing slug of a narrator. I don't actually start my Term of Service for AmeriCorps until January 30th, but I'm here now and I'll spend the next few days being cold and getting adjusted to city life. There are certain rules to city life (walk like you have a destination, don't stare, etc.) that are very different than the rules in the suburbs. I will cover them as I break them on a regular basis.
Okay, okay, it's not that I've never been to a urban area before, but I haven't stayed for much more than a few days. But this is the real deal. I live four blocks from downtown. I can see the State Capitol from the backyard. The house I stay in is 160 years old. That's almost as old as the city I grew up in. Awesome.
So I made my way up this weekend from Texas over two days...two
very long days. I left Texas at 7am CST Saturday and crashed at midnight EST in Kentucky, and left again at 8 EST the next morning and didn't arrive until around 1030pm. I only stopped to fill up and ate within close proximity to the stations I stopped at. I only took a few very serious wrong turns...rusty from my travels of 2003 I guess. As with those travels I made as an intern during college--that seem so long ago now--I owe my thanks and gratitude to the
Eisenhower Interstate System. This system of road across the country in my opinion is the clearest definition of what America is and who Americans are and what we both stand for. It's just an amazing metaphor for the country, one I could write a treatise on. Instead I'll just upload a
picture of Ike at the time of the creation of the system around 1944. He is surrounded by Lane Smith (deceased, actor), President Eisenhower (deceased, bald) Sammy Davis Jr. (deceased, entertainer, Candy Man), and Norman Minetta (alive--still the Secretary of Transportation today! Believe it!). At least I think that's who is with him. I couldn't find a caption.
I don't know what else to write. I'm not sure what to expect for this year so I'm trying not to set my expectations too high. Just experience all I can, live a little, enjoy myself, and work to the best of my ability. Maybe I'll have more thoughts later this week. In the meantime, check out
my pictures.
moving
Well Christmas is over. It's 2006. I'm moving to Providence on Saturday.