Chapter 25
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
  as long as you don't think about it
In your late teens or early twenties it is inevitable that over the holidays you spend time with friends you knew growing up. Once you leave the nest for the first time this becomes just as important a tradition as any for the holiday season. When I left home for my freshman year of college and then subsequently came home for Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks from school it was amazing the fun I seemed to have with the people I knew and had temporarily parted ways with (of course alcohol accompanied much of the experiences, a part of the equation somewhat lacking from our time spent together in high school). Nevertheless as the years have passed...five and counting...those moments dissapear and the only friends I run into over the holidays are those I really seek out. Sure often times others show up or you run into a long forgotten friend at a public location, but the true friends from your hometown are the ones you make a point to try and spend some time with.
As is the case I am sure with many people, too often the conversations dwell on what you had in common or catching up on mutual acquaintances (X+Y=l, X being a marriage, Y being a baby, and l being my lack of interest in any subject concerning the topics). But there are those that you can talk about these things with and not really take them seriously, and then just as easily move on to something else important like ordering another round...and those are your friends.
So tonight I spent some time with some of my closest friends from growing up. It will be the last time I see any of them before leaving for Rhode Island in a few weeks. I did not feel parting ways to be such an event whenever I would leave for wherever I was at college , but maybe because the furthest away I ever got was still within driving distance. Providence is, according to MapQuest, 28+ hours away from here. And I'm perfectly fine with that.

Whenever I go back to where I grew up I feel like the lyrics from that Coldplay song High Speed: "We've been living life inside a bubble" and Providence seems like maybe I can finally get out of the bubble unlike I have been able to do so yet in life. Even when I left, I was always back in a few weeks.
But these days I could not live without Rob or Chris; they keep me sane in ways that could never know. So it was best that tonight was treated just like any night; hanging out, having a beer, and not thinking about much. And when we left, we just left. No big goodbyes, nothing but a few serious words of parting and then just getting into our cars and driving away, towards wherever we stay these days. The whole lot, Casey now included through her marriage to Rob, Levy always the truest of friends, Chad and Cater always reliable for laughs and wisdom. And what does next year have in store for us? Rob and Casey are moving out to Monterey; Seaberg will finish grad school and head out there...somewhere. So it's time for me to move on too. I am a little behind most people my age in life by a few years. It takes me awhile to realize or accomplish certain things that many people my age already have completed and moved on from. No examples tonight, just trust me. It's true.

My random playlist tonight on the MP3 player included some of the following songs: Straight, No Chaser by Miles Davis; All the Right Friends by REM; Lord Byron's Luggage by Warren Zevon; Backsliders Wine by Jerry Jeff Walker; Smoke by Ben Folds Five; In My Life by The Beatles; and After the Thrill is Gone by The Eagles. I couldn't have asked for more topical songs tonight. All completely random...and yet not so much.
 
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
  Looks like no snow for Christmas. but not for a lack of good intentions.
I've been listening to a lot of Christmas music since...well, June. But more so lately because it seems to be everywhere. I love Christmas music, especially the old school songs or obscure tracks (I Want A Goat For Christmas, anybody?). I finally tracked down a copy of the amazing Phil Spector Christmas album at the Fort Worth library today. No stores have been carrying it anywhere...not only that I have not been able to find Darlene Love's Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) anywhere! I have scoured every store music bin and crappy holiday compilation disc made. That song was nowhere, until finding the CD today at the library. But I digress.
Christmas music just rocks, expecially the melancholy tracks like Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas. Don't get me wrong though, because there is plenty of bad Christmas music out there. Boy bands, Manilows', Mariah Careys'...but for every hundred bad tracks there is one rockin' one. So I surround myself by those tracks, all the time.

When I was driving around in Providence I listened to one of the many campus radio stations because a)mainstream radio sucks hardcore and b) college DJ's rule, especially when they have no idea what to do in the booth or what they are talking about (I did tune into Stern some because it was his last days on free radio and I did manage some Xmas tunes). Providence College had the best but WBRU Brown University ("alternative" crap mostly) had the strongest signal. It was on there that I heard Toad the Wet Sprocket's Good Intentions on a retro hour. This song I know I've heard many times but on that day it stuck out in my head for one reason of another. I don't know why, but something in the lyrics sprung out and grabbed me.
Today as I was walking through Lowes I heard that song again. Not a coincidence. I just have to figure out why. After Christmas music season ends...in April.
 
Sunday, December 18, 2005
  "Andrew Jackson had a big block of cheese. This block of cheese was huge - over two tons - and was open for any and all to enjoy it."
On Friday perhaps my favorite television actor passed away. Like millions out there, John Spencer was a part of my life week in and week out (and sometimes for hours on end when I would find myself lost in a Bravo marathon) and provided a strange comfort and pleasure when I watched him so seemingly effortlessly portray the great, flawed Leo McGarry in the all too perfect pseudo reality that is the Jed Bartlet administration.

There is a reason that the television show The West Wing is and has been such an important part of my life over the past few years. The show began its run during my senior year of high school when my television viewing was restricted pretty much to The Simpsons and Law and Order, although this was well before I realized how serious my Law and Order addiction was (this would come sophomore year of college). I remeber watching it with both of my parents on Wednesday nights when I wouldn't be busy with school or work or having a social life. It wasn't serious to me yet, but it was something the three of us could do together. Still I became hooked on the show that I managed to catch as many episodes I could during my freshman year away from home (instead of...well whatever). The show was engaging and insightful and quite remarkable television, especially during the earlier seasons. Nevertheless it took me a while to realize that it was something that always managed to come up in conversations with my parents ("Did you see what happened on West Wing last night?" "Can you believe what Leo said?", etc.). Whenever there was a lull in a conversation with my parents, especially my Dad, we could manage to talk about this show and what we thought about the politics or the characters or just the direction of the plot line.
The summer after my sophomore year my parents divorced. It became an issue suddenly in July and was over by October. Just like a story arch in a TV show like The West Wing, the resolution might have been over but the aftershocks would not be going away anytime soon. The MS had been disclosed to the public, but the issue was far from affecting the main characters lives.
But just because our lives were a wreck didn't mean that we still couldn't find some reason to communicate. Thankfully, the fourth season of the show was in full swing. After all it had tied me to my parents before the divorce so naturally I had to continue--it was something we had in common that we could discuss without talking about what was really on our minds. Our hearts are broken...but the Bartlet is ahead in the polls! My grades are slipping...but did you hear Josh and Toby's plan to pay for every American kid to go to college? We were all facing demons we never imagined...but did you see Leo with Josh? Josh Lyman suffers from PTSD...Leo is an alcoholic ("You never stop being an alcoholic") and it just came out he spent time in rehab! Finally...problems that don't directly affect myself and my family...that I can talk about with them!

At that moment in time, and to this day, the show was one of the most important things we had to hold on to. This rings especially true with my Dad, from whom I received much of my television education from ("Rockford and Rondo soda"). Mom too, as we still talked about and watched the show, often together, every week. It was just a known factor that barring some catastrophic event or breaking news story, we would watch The West Wing together, in reality or in spirit, and get lost in the drama of faux-politics. I broke the news to both of them on Friday that Mr. Spencer had passed.

We all had our favorite characters, but the one that remained everyones constant was Mr. Spencer's portrayal of Leo McGarry. Leo set the tone for everything on the show as well as for every actor on the screen, be it Martin Sheen as the President or a random extra delivering a phone message. Leo was the Bartlet administration, and we loved him. As the show changed direction and the character was used less and less and taken for uncertain changes in direction (suffering a near-fatal heart attack a year ago parallelling his downfall in reality) we grew sad at his lack of screen time. Nevertheless with his return this year as a major player he provided comfort to us long time viewers. The great thing about the character was not that he was perfect, but that he was flawed. That not because he was always right (he was) but because he was always certain. Because others feared him out of awe and respect and, maybe some fear. Because he was dry, funny, smart, and enlightening. I can say that, with some bias, Mr. Spencer had the honor of playing the greatest character on a television show over the past few years. He was important to my television life, as was he also important to the relationship I share with my parents. You know lately I've been realizing slowly how wasteful and unimportant most television is, even some of my favorite shows like this one. I mean I enjoy it but could live without it. Perhaps what keeps me going back is that beyond the entertainment factor, beyond learning a little about politics and the world, it provides something I can share with both of my parents. That's why I love The West Wing, and that's why I will miss John Spencer.
 
Saturday, December 17, 2005
 
I was messing around on Flikr just now trying to figure out all of the cool things I can do with that site when a picture I took triggered my memory to a dream I had last night. I dreamed an area of the Trinity River I know of was actually dirty and brown and full of sewage an murk. Last night before I went to sleep I was watching the opening Saving Private Ryan. I paused it after the Omaha Beach scene was over because it was late and I was tired but wanted to finish it. So this morning when I woke up I hit play and finished it up. I cried my eyes out at the end. I couldn't even see. Well that's never happened.
 
Thursday, December 15, 2005
  Providence
I spent the first half of the week in Providence. I was there primarily to find a place to stay however I also was able to meet the people I will be working with next year. I had scheduled to take off Sunday on the earliest flight possible and leave Wednesday on the latest flight possible, but it didn't exactly work out that way. When I arrived at D/FW around 530am on Sunday I was informed that my 750 flight had been cancelled. I was flying through Chicago and they got me on the next earliest flight there but a fuel leak kept us delayed and then once I got there my flight wound up taking off a good half hour after I was supposed to arrive in Providence. So my morning of flying turned into a day of flying. I arrived around 500 EST and met Audra, the VISTA who is currently the VISTA serving in the position I will be taking over next year. I stayed with her and her father who works for Rhode Island Department of Environmental Management. Anyways I had several rooms lined up from Craigslist but as soon as I got off the plane my phone rang from a prospect that I hadn't really counted on. I agreed to stop by the house later on, and despite accidently calling the guy by the wrong name a few times it turned out to be the best option and a cool one at that. The room is in a two story house in the Smith Hill neighborhood, close to downtown and a mile from my work, which means I could walk or ride my bike sometimes. It's an old house (older than the city I grew up in) and has wicked personality, which rules. Also it's furnished and the landlord Pete who lives there and is just a a few years older seems real cool. I knew it would be the one I wanted once I stepped foot in it, but I still forced myself to look at several other options over the next few days in town. Several other...how can I say it...unique options. Let's just say I'm not too keen on using a stove to heat my apartment.
Okay, I don't want to write anymore. Call me a bum, whatever. Check out my pictures and maybe I'll get more details in later. My flight home was supposed to leave at 550, we took off a little after 800, so by the time I arrived home to D/FW and got out to the parking lot and drove home it was around 130. So I've been getting over jet lag all day and trying to wrap my mind around what all I have to do now. Which is basically survive the hollidays, pack up, and get the smell out of here. Cool.
 
Thursday, December 08, 2005
  Dusk, looking southwest from the backyard

Dusk, west from the backyard
Originally uploaded by joshua_ryan27.
I started a Flikr account. Check out my pics, if you wanna.
 
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
  Merry Christmas, dammit!
As the first hint of winter hit North Texas today, I watched Elf with my sister who was home early from school. I've mentioned previously some of my other adventures with Christmas movies--yes I got Christmas Vacation in Saturday night. And of course last night was A Charlie Brown Christmas on TV...the 40th year it's been shown so it's been getting a lot ot press this week. Tonight my Mom wanted to watch Santa Claus is Coming to Town but 15 minutes into it we were going out of our minds. That's the thing with Christmas themed entertainment...when it works, it kills, but when it's bad...not so much. Speaking of bad, while sitting around tonight (bathroom) and flipping through an old 'Letterman Top Ten List' book I stumbled upon a random late 80's Late Night holliday themed Top Ten List. Let's see how it holds up...

TOP TEN LEAST POPULAR CHRISTMAS GIFTS:
10) Andre the Giant champagne
9) Hickory Farms Smoked Gristle assortment
8)Phil Donahue's A Boy's First Dress
7)A Free Hour of Advertising on (another network)
6)The Jimmy Swaggert Pop-up book
5)Angry-Live-Bird-in-a-bag from Hartz (what the hell?)
4)Dan Rather lather skin bracer for men
3)A living weasal wallet
2)Al Sharpton hair-styling spackle
1)Isotoner diapers

Wow. See what I mean. Sometimes Christmas-themed entartainment just misses completely. (I changed a little of the words just in case NBC wanted to try and sue me...hopefully that will suffice). Now if you don't mind, I'm going to go get drunk off some Andre the Giant Champagne, 87 vintage, and watch It's A Wonderful Life.
 
Monday, December 05, 2005
  monday. (i.e. screw money. all of it.)
I heard back from City Year: Boston this afternoon. I forgot I had applied to that program. I think I really would have like that opporunity as well. Nevertheless I'm sure Providence will come through once I can FIND A PLACE TO LIVE!!! Man alive it's stressing me out. Sort of. But I'm making appoitments to see places when I get there next week.

Speaking of moving, found out today that the auto insurrance I purchased for myself last week is going to jump up $400 when I move up to Rhode Island. 400 damn dollars! I knew Texas was a cheap place to live, but hey now. I'm not going to mention the company by name, because I'm sure it's still the best deal I could find as far as auto insurance goes and the customer service people have been nothing but friendly and helpful. Still I will say that if I run into a certain lizard while walking down the street let's hope it's partly cloudy out, otherwise I'm not too sure I won't take off my glasses and, well, light him on fire. 400 bucks my right arm.

If anyone out there reading this wants a change in their life direction or knows someone that does for the next year check out the City Year program. We can never do enough for each other.

ps. think if I turn off the word verification feature I might actually get some comments again? highly unlikely, I know I know. But did anyone even see my appearance with Dave and Oprah last week?
 
Sunday, December 04, 2005
 
...and less than six hours later it was close to freezing. We dropped almost 50 degrees overnight. Incredible.
 
Saturday, December 03, 2005
  in the kitchen.
I went over to my Grandparents house (in beautiful suburban Bedford) today and helped my Grandpa put up some Christmas lights. Afterwards I came home and we finished decorating the Christmas Tree. In shorts and a t-shirt. What's up with that? It's like 90 degrees outside right now. If I wanted weather like this at Christmastime I would have stayed in Grand Cayman. Sheesh.
 
Friday, December 02, 2005
  THE NEW PHONE BOOKS ARE HERE!!!*
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*I edited the text in this post. Slightly.
 
Thursday, December 01, 2005
  Santy don't visit the funeral home, little buddy.
We all have our favorite movies that we can watch all throughout the year. For me the essentials are Fletch or Annie Hall or Grosse Point Blank or Arthur or Lebowski or Young Frankenstein or North by Northwest. Oh and Goodfellas. But most of the time Christmas movies just seem out of context with the rest of the world, until after Thanksgiving that is. So #2 for the week: Home Alone. There are so many things I could say about this movie, but I'll try and narrow it down to three:

A) The highjinks. From the icing of the stairs through using the gangster video to mess with the Pizza delivery guy to tar on the stairs, paint cans swinging from the ceiling and a blow torch wired to doors. A blow torch wired to the door...who the hell thinks of that? Amazing.
2)The subtle late 80's, early 90's nostaligia reminding me how I knew the world as a child: vintage Pepsi labels, Kevin sitting up in his parents bed watching Johnny Carson, Micro Machines, Starting Lineup action figures, etc etc.
and D) John Candy. And to a lesser extent Daniel Stern (who's still alive but peaked around this movie). But it's John Candy, who never sucked, that brights the screen in his glorified cameo as Gus Bolinski, the Polka King of the Midwest. I always loved that scene in the back of the U-Haul, driving along the snowy highways of America. Along with this and Planes, Trains, and Automobiles Candy had the fortune to play a role in (and leave for generations to come) two of the best holliday movies of all time.

So we continue along. The trifecta comes this weekend with Christmas Vacation. Well, there's always a bonus with White Christmas, my mothers favorite and one of mine as well. Actually my mom loves Prancer, but not me. I just don't like Prancer...except now I realized it has Sam Elliot, who was also The Stranger in Lewbowski as we all know. But no...I just don't like Prancer.
There was no point to this posting. None whatsoever. And I spent way too much time on it. Brilliant.
 
this is the story of a guy in transition, and how he begins to remember.

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Location: Providence, Rhode Island, United States

"A Texan outside of Texas is a foreigner." --John Steinbeck

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